


At the Heart of Winter

by blondieschick



Series: Glacier City [1]
Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Captain America (Movies), James Buchanan Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, New York - Fandom, Winter Soldier (Comics), the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 05:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3344717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondieschick/pseuds/blondieschick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whatever happened to curiosity killed the cat?<br/>Clara has a compulsive desire to know everything and anything-her father's top secret CIA files are no exception either.<br/>However, when she meets a mysterious man who gives her the intel chance of a lifetime, she just might start to see that secrets have consequences. Is she really ready to come face to face with the truth? Is knowledge really power when it hurts?</p>
            </blockquote>





	At the Heart of Winter

**Author's Note:**

> Sebastian Carter was inspired by Sean O'pry- (Blank Space, Taylor Swift music video)

I heard the door slam downstairs and I knew I had approximately thirty seconds before my father would come looking for me. I shuffled the papers back neatly into the filing cabinet beside his desk, counting under my breath as I did it, knowing that he would notice if even one paper was out of place. Satisfied with my work, I turned back to the computer and shut it down, I then stood up in one fluid motion and padded out of the room, tip toeing across the hardwood floors to make sure he didn’t hear my footsteps- the loft was three stories and this was New York, there was always noise here but my father’s hearing was still super human.

I had about twelve seconds to get around the wide berth of the staircase and across to my room. I stepped in and closed my door quietly and sat down at my desk, opening my laptop while I still counted: five, four, three, two, and one. Not a beat passed- my bedroom door opened and there stood my father, I waited for a moment and nonchalantly looked up.

“Oh hello dad, I didn’t hear you downstairs”.

He smiled. My father or Marcus Smith could cut an impressive figure when he entered a room and even though he was now in his early fifties he had a still well maintained athletic physique with broad shoulders, dark well groomed hair that was greying at the temples and dark eyes so piercing that I was convinced could see through you from across the room. It was his capacity as a shrewd and highly intelligent man that had seen him promoted as head of the CIA after just a mere ten years of government service and who I as his daughter, owed the splendour of my college education and the Tribeca loft in which I had been raised.

“Hello Clara, how was your day”?

I gave my usual reply that it was fine and he gave the expected reply.

“I’m just popping in to let you know that I’ve been called to a work seminar in Dallas and I’ll be gone for a few days”.

“Oh okay Dad” I responded, I didn’t ask how long he’d be gone, ‘a few days’ usually meant two weeks at least.

“My flight is in two hours and I’m going to pack some things and then I’ll head out”.

I nodded in assent.

“My card’s on the table if you need anything as well as my number”.

“Thanks Dad, I’ll call if I need anything”.

He glanced around the room as if grasping for something to say but seeing nothing, he nodded and withdrew.

I was alone once again and looked down at the piece of paper that that had fallen short of the shredder in my father’s office. I’d kept it under my laptop while my dad had been making his usual attempt to socialise with me and was glad that I now had time to see what it was. Dad was a suspicious, shrewd and extremely observant man except- when it came to his own daughter (luckily). I listened for the sound of footsteps but my father seemed still to be talking on the phone and packing his suitcase as per his almost fortnightly Friday night activity. I relaxed and flattened it out using my palm:

**Marcus, the asset is still suspected to be in the city, it is imperative that it be recovered and brought back to heal without further damage to the relaunch of the project. To be kindled.**

I turned the page over looking for any more information but the other side only had half a tiny black stamped logo. I squinted down at it but I couldn’t make it out- the words “ **heil hy** ” were cut off under the stamp. I stashed the paper under my laptop gleefully.

This was probably why my father had been called so suddenly to Dallas. I’d been observing my father’s correspondence without his knowledge for about eight years, ever since I’d turned twelve and stopped believing the lies that my father had been feeding me about why he always was gone and unwittingly discovered that my father worked in intelligence.

Over the years I’d seen some exciting stuff -especially about various presidents and the whereabouts of certain digital terrorists but I’d been monitoring his stuff more than usual since the catastrophe that had happened in Washington a week or so earlier concerning Captain America and Natasha Romanov. I’d had a hunch that it had had something to do with the Avengers but I had only turned up things about a supposed asset that had been moved from the Ukraine to Washington in the last year.

I’d haunted my father’s files looking for any more information on this so called asset but even this had turned up empty. My father’s office had been full of urgent memos in regards to “the asset” for months, tracking its movements and constant correspondence about someone mentioned only as A.Pierce. After a while I’d seen enough notes that spoke about an asset and all with the words to be kindled (something that I’d figured meant to be destroyed once read) that this asset definitely had to be a person. Someone the CIA was scared of, somebody they viewed as a high level threat, someone to be kept quiet at all costs. I’d been even more curious when the memos talked of the asset allegedly lying low in New York and with the term at NYU being over, I could concentrate on figuring out who the asset supposedly was.

I heard my father just outside my door, still talking on the phone.

“No, yes, yes, we’ll go over it when I get there” he raised his voice: “Bye Clara, I’m leaving now”.

“Bye Dad, have a safe flight”.

“Bye”.

I heard his feet rapidly descend the stairs, the front door opened and closed and I heard some car doors slam. I got up and walked to my window just in time to see the car pull out of the driveway. I was alone once more.

I padded out of my room and back into his office. I crumpled the piece of paper as I’d found it and placed it in the same position on the hardwood floor behind the top of the line silver shredder. I got up but something caught my attention- in the slot in the shredder I could see something red and instantly my curiosity was piqued- there was never any colour in my father’s office- everything was white and silver and made of glass.

Making sure the shredder was unplugged, I pulled the lid off it and found several shredded strips of paper with part of an image on it. The image was of something that looked like it was made of red and silver metal. I shuffled though the shredding looking for any more pieces, and I put them on the floor beside the shredder. I started to put the image back together, and even before I was half done, I knew what it was.

A red star rimmed in black on a layered plate like metal surface. Something in the photo looked somehow….familiar. I was sure I’d only seen this image once but I couldn’t help thinking that it reminded me of something I couldn’t quite grasp. I sat there for another few minutes staring at the image but when it didn’t come back to me, I scattered them back into the shredder. I needed to get going, I had somewhere to be.

**An hour later**

I stood there staring into my reflection. I turned to the left and the right and I smiled somehow satisfied. I’d never looked as much as the perfect cookie cutter girlfriend then, my normally rebelliously curly black hair was straightened to perfection and hung in silky curtains around my face, making my cheekbones much more pronounced. Good, that was what I had wanted. To not look twelve and a half for once.

My eyes were rimmed in copious amounts of eyeliner and mascara with a red lip that I’d never dared worn ordinarily but I was trying to be more of a bombshell. My dress was black, tight and low cut at the front, the calf length hem keeping it classy. I smiled but the more I looked in the mirror, it seemed to look really forced, my large dark eyes almost bulging out of their sockets- I dropped the smile. Oh I could never pull this off, I could never be like the Gwen and Marissa’s of the world, the ones who when left with their fathers credit cards, went on massive designer clothing benders and looked so adult and sexy even when attending lectures at uni. I would always be the undersized Clara “bush baby” with my over large eyes and short legs. I was much better suited to staying at home and snooping through my father’s things and conspiring. I looked down at my phone and nearly jumped a foot in the air, I had a second to get out the door or I would be late. Taking one last glance in the mirror, I pulled on my coat and grabbed my purse. This would have to do.

When I got to the restaurant and asked for Sebastian Carter the maître d looked me over once disparagingly and said that he was already waiting for me, my heart leapt. She led me to the table and left with a contemptuous glance when Sebastian looked up and motioned to me. I was used to it by now though, Sebastian’s family owned the restaurant, one among the many upscale establishments in the city and were filthy rich as a result. Sebastian was drop dead gorgeous and I still couldn’t believe that he was MY boyfriend. He stood to kiss me on the cheek and pulled out my chair for me, I felt my hands start to sweat. I just about died when he put on that devastating smile with his perfectly straight white teeth. How did I ever snag someone like him? He was six feet of glorious muscle from days spent rowing and had a constant tan from his family’s constant vacations in St Tropez. His hair was dark chocolate brown and always hung sexily into deep dark blue eyes, and this would always somehow make his lips seem more luscious and his jaw more square. Sebastian was probably the most handsome man I’d ever met let alone be lucky enough to say that I was dating.

He winked.

“Hello gorgeous, how are you”?

“I’m great and you”? I batted my eyelashes flirtatiously.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine”. The menus then arrived cutting off any more small talk. Menu time as I’d found out the last two months when we’d started dating was big business when you were a Carter. As usual Sebastian started describing all the food in detail and I tuned out, just watching his lips move, thinking about how we’d met.

I’d been sitting by myself at an end of term party wondering how long it would be until I could go back to the comfort of the empty loft and watch re runs of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air when he’d walked in. All the girls in the room had instantly turned their heads when he sauntered in wearing possibly the sexiest cashmere sweater ever invented with his pack of equally well bred and socially connected friends. Gwen Evans and Marissa Lopez and co had immediately accosted him in a conversation while I looked on. The startling thing that happened next I would never forget, he’d looked all the way across the room at me and caught me staring. I’d blushed embarrassed but he had just smiled and disentangled himself from the blathering Marissa and walked straight to me, a drink in each hand and the rest was history.

We ordered our food, delicious as usual and Sebastian got up to go to the bathroom. I was finishing off my plate of gourmet truffle risotto when I heard something vibrate. It was Sebastian’s phone. I hesitated biting my lip, it really wasn’t right to look through his phone but I’d never been able to resist curiosity so I reached over and instantly wished I hadn’t.

The text was from Gwen Evans.

It read: “I don’t get why you still are playing with her, it like stopped being funny a month ago, dump her sorry ass already and come to the Alps with my family this weekend”.

I quickly closed the message down, a rushing sensation in my ears as I slumped back into my chair. I felt that funny sensation tickle the back of my nose and I knew that I was about to cry. I looked down at my hands, at the ring Sebastian had given me when he’d called me his girlfriend for the first time. I twisted it on my finger, pulling it off. I couldn’t believe the last two months had been a lie, every kiss, every date he’d been reporting back to his cronies. I’d thought he was different, I thought he was the one special guy that Gwen couldn’t claim for herself. My stomach clenched painfully, the risotto felt as if it was coming back up, and I put my face in my hands.

I felt a hand touch my head.

I started and looked up, Sebastian was back smiling down at me.

“Are you okay”?

I just looked at him as he sat down across from me once more. The face that had once sent a thrill through my body made my skin crawl, his face now seemed almost too beautiful. It seemed like his face at any second would pull back and reveal something scary and animalistic. I couldn’t look at this jerk any more. I took a deep breath and stiffened my spine.

I put the ring down next to his plate.

I looked above his head as I uttered the words tonelessly.

“No everything’s fine, I give you permission to go to the Alps with Gwen this weekend, we can stop pretending”.

I felt his fingers on my hand as he struggled to respond. As he struggled to find a suitable lie.

“What would ever give you that idea gorgeous”?

Gorgeous indeed!

I jerked my eyes to his face. He had put on another smile, I felt the sensation behind my nose intensify and my vision went blurry. No he would not see me cry. I jerked my hand away and stood up.

“You tell me Sebastian, you can tell Gwen that I dumped your sorry ass”.

With that I turned on my heel and walked out of the restaurant without a second glance.

I’d walked a few blocks and it all got too much. My stomach caved in and my chest was wracked loud uncontrollable sobs. Hot tears were streaming down my face, a sharp contrast to the cold night air. I stopped there for a few seconds before realising Sebastian could come out at any second and I forced myself to keep walking. I sobbed loudly, not even having the energy to wipe the tears off my face. People looked at me and began to skirt the sidewalk in an effort to avoid the crazy crying girl but I didn’t care. The tears kept on flowing and with every single one I hated Sebastian even more. I even hated myself for being so blind, for even thinking that I could ever have been important to Sebastian Carter. I hated that I’d even tried to be more like Gwen when he’d expressed his desire that I make more of an effort to impress his friends because they were “important to him”. I should have known that the mascara, the lipstick, the designer dresses were all just a ploy to get me to sell my soul to the devil. In the end it didn’t even matter because Gwen had won. I don’t remember opening the door or pulling myself out of my clothing and crawling into bed with a bottle of wine but I did. I don’t even remember falling asleep, my mascara streaking down my cheeks like a spider web.

**THE NOISE**

I knew even before I’d opened my eyes that something wasn’t quite right, I sat up in my bed listening, careful not to creak the springs. My room was still dark and I looked down at my phone- it was four in the morning. I felt like I wasn’t alone, the hairs on the back of my neck and on my arms were raised and I could feel a chill down my back. I held my breath and strained my ears….there was somebody in the house and they clearly knew what they were doing because their footsteps were calculated and soft, as if they were avoiding using their heels and stepping only on the carpet, almost the way I did when I snooped through my dad’s office but better. Way better. This person was no amateur like me.

I rolled out of bed onto all fours and I stopped to listen- the footsteps had paused. Almost as if they had heard me. I panicked and tensed, looking up at my doorknob, waiting for it to turn. A minute passed and then the footsteps started up again. I breathed a sigh of relief. I started crawling, dragging my knees on my carpet till I reached the door. What should I do? I was still somewhat groggy from the alcohol and still dressed in the impossibly tight dinner dress from hours before- I was definitely in no state to go out and deal with an intruder in the house by myself.

I looked down-I still had my phone in my hand, I could just call the police but what if I was just being paranoid and it was no one and they came for nothing? No I had to make sure that there was someone in the house, I couldn’t just sit here all night and without locks on the doors I was a sitting duck. I took a deep breath and tensed- the footsteps were still there. I relaxed and took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. I reached up and opened the door, careful not to open it too wide as I looked out into the hall. It was dark everywhere but the door to my father’s office was wide open and I could see the weak beam of a torchlight.

I bit my lip, there was definitive proof there was someone in the loft and yet as I looked down at my phone once more, I couldn’t bring myself to call the police. It was my overweening curiosity to see who was snooping in my father’s room. I continued crawling out into the hall. I paused every few seconds: behind the stairs, a chair and a small coffee table. I made it and I stood up just outside the door. I was able to clearly see a hooded figure, their back to me leaning over something on my father’s desk- the filing cabinet was ajar and the contents of the shredder were scattered on the floor in the corner of the room. I crawled closer and saw the figure was tall- six feet at least and very male with strong legs and broad shoulders. I reached the corner of the door and peeked through the crack, from this angle I could see the side of the man’s face- his hair appeared to be hiding his face while bent over something on my father’s glass desk.

I tensed my muscled and held my breath- I stood up and peeked in the crack again. My heart stopped, he was gone, the flashlight left on the desk. I looked back into the hall and he was there- standing right in front of me. I couldn’t see his face- there was only darkness. Shit I’d been caught. I attempted to run past him to the stairs but I didn’t even make it before I heard something whir and click and my arm had been caught in a vice like grip. I struggled but it was futile. I opened my mouth to scream but he, seemingly anticipating it, pulled me to his chest roughly, knocking the wind out of me and just as I struggled to suck in a breath, a hand covered my mouth. Shit I was definitely screwed now, why didn’t I just call the police. The other impossibly strong and heavy hand worked its way down my arm to my hand and pinned my wrist to the side of my body. The quick forceful movement made the phone drop out of my hand and onto the hardwood floor, banging as loud as a gunshot in the empty apartment. Even though I knew I had no way of escaping, I kept shifting my body, stamping with my bare feet uselessly on the man’s booted toes, shifting against his body which was like a wall of muscle even through the layers of clothing. Sensing that the stamping wouldn’t work, I started kicking back against his shins. I felt him grunt as if I’d hurt him and without pause, he brought his right leg to the front of my legs, trapping them in between his legs and bringing him half forwards. I had stopped fighting by then, knowing I could never win this way and that my only hope was to find out what he wanted.

We paused there, both catching our breath (well it was mostly me doing the heavy breathing) and then he spoke. “We’re going to walk into the office and we’re going to talk, if you try to escape or scream you’ll be tied down to a chair as well as gagged”….. “Okay? “His voice was masculine and deep, he spoke so near my ear that I could feel his breath tickling it and most shockingly, he spoke perfectly relaxed English. He didn’t even raise his voice! He also seemed to be well educated and it just made me more curious as to why he was in my house.

I nodded my assent and he half walked, half dragged me backwards into my father’s office. He shut the door and led me to the office chair, putting me down none to gently and stepping back so I could sit down but he was still close enough that I could feel his presence. I sat down and turned the chair so I could face him, I saw him switch on the light and I automatically shut my eyes, the sudden bright light stabbing into my irises and making my eyes water. I tried to open them as quickly as possible, my curiosity over riding the shooting pains in my eyes.

He had pulled back his hood and dark brown hair streamed over his face, stubble covered a square jaw and deep blue eyes shaded a wide mouth with full lips. He was… disconcertingly handsome. I had always thought Sebastian was the most handsome man I’d ever met but after seeing this man, I wasn’t so sure. Sebastian had nothing on this man even with a closet full of designer clothes-he managed to make his all black burglar attire of jeans, t-shirt, a hoodie and gloves look great.

He spoke first.

“Well you’re a lot smaller than I expected”. He raised his eyebrows quizzically and continued.

“What were you thinking sneaking up on me and most importantly, why didn’t you just call the police”?

I laughed without humour but it came out as more of a cough.

“Curious I guess”. I winced, my voice was huskier than usual from lack of use.

“Curious or stupid”?

“I’m wondering that as well”.

“Well one thing is for sure that you startled me and not many people can do that”. He looked half dismayed but more impressed.

Ah a professional then just as I’d suspected.

“You call that startled”? I asked sarcastically.

He ignored that last comment and came closer to me, squatting in front of me, he appeared to be really looking at me.

I winced inwardly, I must have looked a right mess then, mascara all running down my face, lipstick faded and my hair must have been a right ball of frizz.

“I’m going to ask you some questions that you’re going to answer truthfully, okay”?

“And if I don’t”?

He almost smiled.

“Do you really want to know”?

I looked at him and even though he seemed to be relaxed, I sensed there was tension in his legs and would pounce like a coiled snake if I tried anything. So obviously I decided to humour him.

“I guess not.” I nodded “Okay I will answer the questions”.

“You look like him you know, Marcus Smith”.

“That’s because I’m his daughter”.

He nodded.

“I thought the house was empty, I saw your father leave earlier, do you know where he went”?

I figured he didn’t have to know everything so I lied. I was definitely not going to get my father involved in this.

“My father’s away for today, I don’t know where he is but, he’ll be back tomorrow”.

He shook his head and brought his face closer to mine. I moved back a little uneasy.

“I thought I told you not to lie”.

Crap, how did he know? I bit my lip.

“Fine, my father is in Dallas for a few days”.

“How long exactly”?

“I don’t know, a few days could be three days or a week”. Two weeks but I kept that part to myself.

He narrowed his eyes, but luckily he moved on.

“Are you expecting anyone anytime soon”?

I opened my mouth to lie but he stopped me.

“Think carefully, a boyfriend, a friend, a relative”.

I half flinched when he said boyfriend.

He noticed it and continued.

“Are you expecting a boyfriend”?

Damn this guy was too good! I guess I was just so used to lying to my father.

“No, I’m not expecting anyone”.

“Did you come from a party”?

“Why would you ask that”?

He gestured to my dress.

“You smell like alcohol”.

I half smiled.

“No, I most definitely did not come from a party”.

“Well then, enough with the small talk, I want to get to the serious stuff”.

He pulled a chair from the other side of the desk and straddled it facing me and looked me in the eyes.

“Here is how it’s going to go: I’m not here to rob you or to hurt you or anything like that, what I want is information on a certain someone that I’m convinced your father has but it could take days”. He took a breath and continued.

“I’ll be staying here to find it and when I do, I will leave here with a guarantee that you’ll never speak of this again”.

Though I knew I should have stayed quiet I just couldn’t.

“What if I do tell someone”?

He raised his eyebrows surprised.

“I’ve been watching this place for a while and it wouldn’t be too hard to break back in like I did tonight and put an end to any further talk, got it”?

I hesitated for a moment but seeing no other options, I relented.

“Okay, I’ve got it”.

I had to admit while the normal reasoning part of my brain was screaming to run out of the room and never look back no matter the consequences, I couldn’t help wondering if he would really do me any harm. He’d had plenty of time to hurt me and I had doubts that he would now. Mostly.

“I’ve got a few ground rules though:

  1. “No cell phones or laptops”.

  2. “If you need to go get anything from outside, I’ll go with you and vice versa”.

  3. “Don’t do anything to alert anyone who comes to the apartment- neighbours or otherwise unless I say you can”.

  4. “If I need help with anything, you are to assist me as honestly and in full capacity okay”?




He paused and I nodded.

He got up off the seat and in one fluid motion, slid it back into place at the desk. He held out a hand to me:

“I will keep my distance but I’m warning you now, disobey and I won’t be so compromising”.

I nodded and took his hand. I found it odd that someone so commanding and so used to getting what they wanted would do something so old fashioned as to help me out of my chair. I made a note in my head about the many confusing things about this man.

“Now, show me your laptop”. He let go of my hand and gestured to the door.

I walked out of the room across the darkened landing, fully feeling his eyes boring into my back the whole way to my bedroom.

I switched on the light and walked to my desk.

My laptop was as I had left it hours before, closed and switched off on my desk. He picked it up and put it under his arm.

“Now, since I’ll be staying here as your guest, and as you so willingly obliged to help me in any way, show me to your guest room”.

I paused but seeing he was fully serious, I walked back out into the hall and straight to the guest room.

I switched on the light and went straight to work. I didn’t want to test this guy’s limits no matter how curious he made me or however movie star handsome he was. I was curious but not stupid.

“The beds there and there are towels and toiletries in the bathroom” I gestured to the closed door on the far side of the room. Feeling his eyes on the back of my head, I opened the wardrobe.

“There’s fresh linen in here and some more toiletries”.

Done I turned back to face him.

“Thank you” he hesitated “what is your name”?

I decided there was no point in lying since he would probably find out, so I told the truth.

“It’s Clara”.

He nodded.

It then just occurred to me that I didn’t know his name either.

“What should I call you”?

His face went completely blank as if I’d asked him the most impossible question in the world.

It was another thing that struck me as very strange. Maybe he had a mental disorder.

He frowned and finally responded “Call me John”.

I nodded.

He stood there seemingly lost in thought before recovering himself and smoothing out the wrinkles in his forehead.

“Clara, you are dismissed for the night, you may go to your room and sleep”.

“Okay” I nodded.

I turned to leave but he stopped me with his hand.

“Leave the door open though”.

I felt my face instantly flush, there was a strange man in my house and he wanted me to leave the door to my room open, it was all too much. I’d never even slept in the same house with Sebastian and now I was supposed to trust John?

He saw my expression and laughed.

“Don’t worry Clara, I said I would keep my distance”.

My face heated up even more and without ado, I walked out of the room and into mine.

**A few hours later**

As hard as one would think that it would be to fall asleep across from an intruder in your own home, I did fall asleep. I’d even been convinced it was all some terrible nightmare and was going about my normal routine until I walked out of the bathroom in my towel.

The funny thing was, when I’d gone into the shower the door to the guest room had been closed.

When I walked past it again, it was open and John was towelling off his hair when he glanced out at me.

I gasped in surprise and almost dropped my towel. I felt my face heat up and crossed my arms over my chest in an effort to hide my half naked state. I’d never felt more vulnerable than when he swept his very male gaze over my body. I felt his eyes burn a pathway up my body and I struggled not to blush too deeply.

He smiled, a twinkle in his eyes.

I couldn’t help feeling annoyed. It was as if he’d been sent from hell to torment me. This man had all but kidnapped me but he just had to have the sexiest smile in the universe and a goddamn twinkle in his eye!

He cleared his throat.

“Good morning Clara”.

“Morning” I nodded and before I could embarrass myself anymore, I bolted across the hall to my room, his laughter following me and somehow I seriously doubted that I hadn’t flamboyantly declared my virgin status in that moment.

I ran into my closet, my only real refuge since I couldn’t close the door and shut it. I got ready slowly, my body and face still burning with embarrassment. How could I leave my room after this? I was convinced that I would never live it down. Eventually I realised that John would probably come looking for me and it was better to go out and face him before he found me cowering in my own closet. Before I walked out of my room, I paused to look in the mirror- I definitely didn’t look as crazy as I had the night before, my hair was a curly mess as usual but at least my face was free of running make up and I was thankful my eyes weren’t bloodshot and that I didn’t have a hangover. That would have been totally unwelcome in this situation as John probably thought I was crazy as hell already.

I walked downstairs and found that John was already there, hair still damp from the shower and in the same clothes as the night before, even down to the gloves. I could swear that he hadn’t been wearing them upstairs but I had been too embarrassed to notice. I stood awkwardly, watching an almost perfect stranger preparing breakfast in my kitchen- while I was still a little wary of him, I couldn’t help noticing each muscle move sensuously, as swift and smooth as a snake, he still radiated tension. He turned to sit at the kitchen bench and his hair hung in his blue eyes in an extremely off duty rock star way. He met my gaze and I glanced away quickly but not before catching his smirk.

“Clara, aren’t you going to eat something? Isn’t this your kitchen after all”?

“Eventually”.

“Today is going to be a full on day Clara, we can’t afford to waste any time”.

It felt like my stomach had fallen out onto the floor. We? Why was I going to be a part of this?

“We”? “I thought you said you’d keep your distance”.

“Relax Clara, I will keep my distance but I did say I’d need your help”.

I didn’t respond, instead I walked around the kitchen bench where I saw John sat eating toast, a bowl of cereal, eggs and coffee. Sebastian had also eaten like a horse also but never this much, I suppose tackling people in the early morning took up energy.

I’d made my breakfast and was about to sit at the far end of the bench when John tapped the chair straight across from him.

“Clara, don’t sit too far otherwise I’ll think you’ve got something to hide”.

I sighed in exasperation and obliged.

“Speaking of something to hide, someone called Sebastian keeps calling your phone, would you know anything about that”?

I felt a pain in my chest the second he mentioned his name, With everything that had happened, I’d almost even forgotten how that bastard had used me for several months and I’d been too naive to see it till last night. I just wanted to forget all about how him and Gwen had probably laughed at me all those months, how he’d pressured me into doing several things that I hadn’t wanted to do. I was just glad that I’d found out before I’d made too much of a desperate fool out of myself. Struggling to keep the emotion out of my voice I responded.

“Uh yeah, he’s an …acquaintance”.

He raised an eyebrow.

“Is he someone I need to worry about”?

I felt my expression darken.

“No, he won’t come here”. He wouldn’t dare.

He wouldn’t dare show his face here, Sebastian had made it clear he was a coward who couldn’t even call off a prank, he’d never dare set foot here and run the risk of me slamming the door in his face. No he wanted to draw me out, make me feel like I needed him. No I wasn’t going to crawl back to him, I’d had enough of his bullshit for a lifetime.

“Are you sure, he seemed pretty adamant to reach you, he called about twenty times”.

“Well if he does, you can get rid of him”. I stood up but almost immediately, I stopped in my tracks, what was I doing? This guy was holding me hostage, I couldn’t risk pissing him off.

I turned back to John and sat down.

“I’m sorry it’s just that I don’t really think he’ll be a problem”.

“If you say so”. “Besides you said I could get rid of him, problem solved”. He continued eating.

I winced regretting my words. As much as I hated Sebastian right now, I knew I would never forgive myself if something I said got him hurt. As much as I had a deal with John, I didn’t want him to knock off my ex-boyfriend- no matter how much of a douche bag he was.

“Please don’t hurt him, like I said, he’s not really a threat”. I groaned inwardly at my overtly supplicating tone, I didn’t want to make it seem like Sebastian was all that important.

John pushed the hair out of his eyes watching me closely for a few moments. I held my breath.

He finally raised his eyebrows and lifted his hands up into the air.

“Clara, you wound me, of course I won’t hurt Sebastian, and besides, I only came here for Intel”.

I breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. I believed him, for now.

**SEVERAL TIRING HOURS LATER**

John and I had sat there rifling through Every. Single. File my father had. First we started with the filing cabinets, and he’d had me photocopy everything that he deemed important. I couldn’t see the pattern forming as to what he was looking for. Worst of all, he wouldn’t even tell me what he was looking for because quote “the less I knew, the better” and I let it go despite my inner busybody’s protests. We were at it through the entire day (except food and bathroom breaks) till my eyes started glazing over from sheer boredom. My idle mind couldn’t help but think about John, I’d look at him when he wasn’t looking, pondering his strange behaviour. He wouldn’t take off the gloves no matter how difficult it made looking through the various folders and he seemed to really use one hand, keeping the other close to his body most of the time. Whenever he would use it, it seemed clumsier than his other hand. It would often fumble with papers and when I grazed it, it almost felt as if there were hard ridges under the gloves. I also found it odd how he’d pour over the documents concerning Captain America and Natasha Romanov but when I would ask if he wanted them photocopied he would always reply with a curt no. Not to mention how he’d pressed me for details about Sebastian and my life but at other times would be distant and there would be huge spells of total silence. It was during one of these spells that he abruptly stood up.

I nearly jumped at how quickly he’d moved- we’d been sitting still for hours.

“I’m going out Clara, I need to do some things”. He let the sentence hang in the air. Knowing better than to ask what “things” he had to get done, I asked how long he’d be gone.

“A few hours, I’ll be back before dawn”.

I nodded and went back to work.

He stood there for a second longer, an odd expression on his face.

“Clara, I hate to do this but you know I”-

I cut across him somehow knowing what was coming.

.“So you have to tie me down, I get it”.

He seemed surprised at my early comprehension but I’d been awaiting this moment with dread ever since the night before when he’d broken in.

“You’re not going to argue?” “Most people would”.

I shook my head sadly, my wrists already hurting in anticipation.

“No we had a bargain”.

It was with my compliance that John tied my hands and my feet to my bedposts with a torn spare bed sheet. While I could tell that he hated tying me up, as he was surprisingly gentle, I still couldn’t budge an inch (believe me I tried) which showed me that this wasn’t his first time tying someone up.

While this terrified me, it also thrilled me how close he was, when he’d lean over, his hair would tickle my face and the ease with which he touched me sent shivers down my spine. I couldn’t help comparing him to Sebastian, how everything now seemed a little forced compared to the raw masculinity that radiated off John. I hated how my heartbeat sped up every time he would touch me, knowing that he could probably hear or feel it. I was an absolute mess.

When he was finished (I was relieved and a little disappointed) it was already late and he covered me with my covers in case I got tired and wanted to sleep. He left the house just as swiftly as he’d entered it, as silent and quick as a shadow in his black clothes. I lay there for ages just listening for the sound of the door or a window but I never heard one and it was no surprise I hadn’t heard him break in the night before.

I don’t know how long I laid there wishing time would pass when my mind was drawn back to thoughts about the asset. John had lacked interest in those files and I hadn’t had a chance to think about it since the day before. My mind was especially perplexed as to where I’d seen a red star on a metal background when it came to me like a bolt of lightning in the dark. It was just like Captain America’s shield but with the colours almost in reverse and without the black outline around the star! What did this mean? What could it mean? Was the asset Captain Rogers? I quickly discarded that notion, it couldn’t be him. The CIA for the most part referred to him by name and as far as I’d remembered, the captain was still in Washington- the CIA was monitoring his behaviour too though. No. It couldn’t be him but it most certainly had something to do with Captain America and the supposed wrecking of those giant aircrafts in Washington. My mind spun in circles for hours before my eyes finally shut and I dropped off to sleep.

I knew something was off when I woke up and the sunlight was streaming right onto my face and my arms and legs were killing me. I looked across to my bedside clock- it was ten in the morning. He’d said he would be back before dawn and I was still tied to the bed! Shit I muttered. How was I going to get myself out of this? I struggled to pull my legs and arms out of the bonds but it was useless, the knots were too strong. I then attempted to rip the fabric off the posts breaking into a sweat and straining my already sore muscles to no avail. I’d been just about to sag in defeat when I remembered that the top of my bed posts could unscrew and if I could do that, it would be easy to shimmy the material up off the post. It took longer than I’d thought but after a half hour of trying, I was free. I got up off the bed, trying to rub some feeling back into my muscles. As I straightened up I realized that I was free, I didn’t have to spend an eternity looking through my dad’s office for god knows what John had been looking for. I could close my own bedroom door and do whatever I wanted, hell I could go out.

I took a long shower, savouring the feel of the water on my skin and my privacy, something I was convinced I could never take for granted again. On my way back to my room, I glanced into the guest room, the room was still looked lived in with the pile of photocopying still sitting on the side table. John had highlighted and made notes on the side of the page in possibly the neatest hand writing I’d ever seen. I found it so ironic that someone so adept at breaking into people’s houses would have handwriting that looked almost calligraphic. I couldn’t help feeling unease- why would John have gone to all this trouble to just leave all this intel? What if he’d wanted to come back but he couldn’t? It all just didn’t make sense. Sighing I decided to let it go and went to go get dressed. Why did I care about someone who had been holding me captive? Hadn’t he left me tied up last night? Wasn’t it good that he’d gone? How did I know that he wasn’t going to lose it and hurt me despite all his promises? While I forced myself to be happy about John’s sudden departure, a small part of me felt slightly empty, John’s entrance into my life had been unorthodox yes but it had been one of the most interesting things in my life for a long time. These thoughts kept bouncing around in my head as I went downstairs to make breakfast, and kept me in a distracted trance like state all morning. I decided to go get my mail in an attempt to clear my head with some fresh air.

I opened the front door and almost tripped over something. I squealed in shock when I realized that it was John. Regaining my balance, I started looking at him in detail. His clothes were ripped and his clothes appeared to be wet with something. I checked for a pulse, his pulse was strong but he hadn’t moved an inch even when I’d almost tripped over him. He was only wearing one glove, the other gone from his hand showed bruised knuckles. His face was the only part of him that looked the same, although his lip appeared to be cut and still bleeding. How long had he been here? I stood up and started thinking: what was I going to do?

I debated just leaving him there or calling the police to come and take him away. He wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. I rubbed my hands together nervously, glancing back nervously at the phone in the kitchen. It was right there, so close. I just had to take a few steps and I’d never have to see John again but somehow I just couldn’t make my feet move towards the receiver. I looked down at John, his eyelids were fluttering now. I had to make a decision: it was now or never. Groaning inwardly and knowing that I’d probably regret this decision, I knelt down, and started to tug John over the threshold of the door. I instantly broke into a sweat, Christ he was heavy! It took me several minutes of shuffling and several groans from John but I managed to get him inside and shut the door before anyone could see this highly suspicious behaviour and do what I’d failed to do and involve the authorities. As I stood up, I noticed that my hands were wet and red. I stepped back in alarm, what I’d thought were just tears in the fabric of his clothing were cuts. I had to stop him bleeding before he lost too much blood. I couldn’t clean him up here though, I needed the bathroom. I looked behind me at the beautiful stairs suddenly hating them. It would be nigh impossible to get him upstairs without help. I needed to get him to help me. I started shaking him, tapping his chest, talking to him.

“John we need to get upstairs, I can’t help you here”.

He started stirring, groaning and eventually his eyelids slid open halfway. There was no recognition in them and they were glazed over. I repeated what I’d said before again and again until he started moving. Every move was painstaking, he was breathing heavily and his face became paler and paler. He made it onto his knees and I slid an arm around his shoulders, and he put his surprisingly solid arm on mine and bracing we got up together on three. I almost fell when we stood up, he was so heavy, I have no idea how I managed to get him up the stairs and into the bathroom. I helped him into the bathtub and he promptly sagged, his eyes closing and his face draining of even more colour. I needed to hurry up and staunch the bleeding or else I’d have to contemplate calling 911. I opened the cupboard under the sink and pulled out the first aid kit, I then ran back to his side and debated what to do. It’s not that I was squeamish, I had no real fear of blood but I was still hesitant to take off his shirt. I had to get his shirt off or I’d miss some of the wounds. John moaned and turned his head- I bit my lip and straightened my spine, he needed help now. I leaned forward and took off his black hoodie, underneath was a black long sleeved t-shirt which I also pulled off promptly. I gasped when I took off his shirt and not because his skin was covered in black and purple bruises barely healed and gash marks....no it was nothing next to the ruin of his left arm- it was entirely metal. A layered silver contraption which was fused at his scarred shoulder and instantly everything seemed to click into place: the gloves, the ridge underneath the shirt, the whirring and clicking noise as well as the impossible strength with which he had hauled me to the ground. I had to make my eyes look away and concentrate on the first aid box- I washed the wounds with warm water, opened the antiseptic and wiped at the wounds, I looked at his face to gauge his reaction and when his eyelids only fluttered. I pulled him forward and fixed some of the wounds on his back, his wounds weren’t too deep so I bandaged them all as best as I could and moved onto his pants. Thankfully he only had one cut just above the right knee which wasn’t too difficult to deal with, there was no way I could have made myself take off his pants. I started looking at his body when I’d finished ( admittedly shamefully), though he was bruised and battered, I could still see that he was in great shape, broad shoulders, his arms being twice the size of mine and he had a very visible six pack and well-toned obliques. His nipples were dark, his chest smattered lightly with fine dark hair, my eyes moved down the thickest line of hair disappearing into the waistband of his black jeans. I licked my lips nervously, Sebastian now seemed like a child next to the attraction that I felt for John in that moment. It was as if I was a thirteen year old girl crushing on some boy all over again. It annoyed me how every time I looked at him, all logic seemed to disappear.

I really shouldn’t have done this but I couldn’t resist tracing his chest, his shoulders and abdominal muscles- loving the feel of his skin. Before I could stop myself, I was tracing the soft hair below his navel all the way to the top of the waistband of his jeans- I saw a blur and my wrist was caught in a vice like grip. I looked up, John’s eyes were open and alert, and he had a funny look on his face. I felt my stomach fill with heat, his hand was hot on my wrist, my palms were sweaty and I felt the unfamiliar tingle of sexual awareness. My face was so close to his, all he had to do was lean forward and kiss me.

I broke the spell first and looked away.

“How long have you been awake”? I croaked out.

“Longer than you think”.

I glanced away again, my face crimson with embarrassment. I pulled my wrist away and when he didn’t stop me further, I stood up and turned away.

“I’m sorry I really shouldn’t have”…I coughed while trying to find the right words. Molested you while you were unconscious, touched you inappropriately? “I really shouldn’t have done that” I concluded lamely.

To my further humiliation, he just laughed. “Clara, Clara, Clara I was convinced you were a sweet girl”.

I felt my cheeks heat up even more and I decided that I couldn’t look at him. “I’ll go get you something to eat”.

As I walked out of the room, I could feel his gaze burning a hole in my back.

God he was so frustrating! How was it that he made me feel like I had explaining to do when it was he who’d left me tied up! It was like he’d bring out the worst in me, like he’d just press a button and I’d lose all self-control. John made me feel like I couldn’t trust myself: first my inability to call the police, second the shower, third bringing him back into the house and fourth almost doing god knows what in my bathroom!

I took longer than I should have preparing him food (I’m sure even he knew I was avoiding him) and when I could dawdle no more, I just gritted my teeth and went back into the bathroom, shoulders thrown back and a neutral expression on my face. When I got back upstairs, he’d gotten out of the bathtub and was back in his room, still shirtless (unfortunately or fortunately) sitting on the bed. He was re -reading the notes he’d left behind. I was so flabbergasted by his callous disregard for the fact that he’d been almost dead less than an hour before, that I put the food tray down and plucked the papers out of his hands.

“Clara, I was reading that”. He protested.

“No you’re not, you’re eating and resting”.

He raised his eyebrows.

“I thought we had a deal”?

I just looked at him, my face incredulous.

“John, all bets were off when I didn’t call the police this morning and instead I brought you back in here, if you want my help, you’ll have to start talking”.

He laughed at the expression on my face.

“I thought we agreed not to make this arrangement difficult or it wouldn’t be pleasant for you”. He made to get up and I just walked over and poked one of his bandaged wounds (harsh I know but I meant business), John groaned his face going pale once more and he sagged back onto the bed.

I crossed my arms, my point made.

“Please we both know you’re in no position to really threaten anyone”.

He laughed then and looked back at me, his hair falling into his eyes.

“You know you’re quite the girl Clara”.

I opened my mouth to respond when I caught sight of something on his left shoulder. I walked around and looked at closely, my mouth falling open. No, it couldn’t be. I reached my hand out to trace the red shape on his shoulder thinking hard. Yes it all made sense: New York, the picture…..

He caught my hand.

“Clara, what is it”?

I focused my eyes back onto his.

“You’re the asset”.

He stayed silent, he didn’t deny it.

I hesitated a moment -I had no idea how he’d react to my knowing who he was so I tried to ease him into it slowly.

“You know, as a child I’d always been curious as to what my father did at work so one day I plucked up the courage to find out for myself once and for all and I haven’t looked back” I took a deep breath and continued. “When my father’s hours at work became more erratic and with the things that happened in Washington that the CIA tried to pass off as an accident, I knew something more serious was going on so I decided to do some digging and I came across several memos mentioning an asset”.

He interrupted me.

“So you spent time trying to find out what or who the asset was”.

I nodded.

“There was a shredded up picture of the star on your arm and so when I saw it on you, I figured you had to be the one”.

There was silence in the room and John looked away.

“Why do you want to help me Clara”? He asked quietly.

I thought for a moment and answered as honestly as I could.

“I want to know the truth, I know what the CIA is like and over the years I’ve figured that anyone they label as a villain may be the total opposite, I mean look at Captain America”. His eyes darted up when I mentioned his name.

“Clara, come over here”.

Suddenly nervous at the change in subject, I sat down gingerly on the bed next to him. He turned to study my face in detail, his eyes piercing mine in place, I couldn’t look away. His face was so close to mine, I could feel the heat radiating off of him we were so close and suddenly his hand was at the nape of my neck, his thumb tracing circles on the skin there. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from moaning, his hands were so gentle and I didn’t want him to stop.

Before I could protest, he pulled my mouth to his, his lips astonishingly soft on mine. He tasted sweet and salty at the same time and I could feel the stubble on his jaw graze my face thrilling and teasing me. I responded instinctively and kissed him harder. I put my hands into his hair, it tickled my fingers as he parted my lips and slipped his tongue into the kiss. I opened my mouth and our tongues touched, I felt desire like an electric current flow through my body from my toes to the tips of my fingers. Although the kiss was wonderful, I could still sense that John was hesitant weirdly enough despite initiating the kiss. Sebastian had been no novice but he hadn’t kissed me the way I was being kissed now, it was as if he had melted all the bones in my body and my lips were the only tie to reality. Unfortunately it was over as quickly as it had started. John released me and I had to plant my hands on the bed to steady myself, breathing hard and struggling to catch my breath.

“What was that”? I whispered.

“A test” he responded shortly.

“Did I pass or fail”?

To my frustration, he just smiled.

**FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER**

After the dizzying effects of the kiss had worn off, I’d come back to my senses and forced John to eat everything I’d prepared for him before we did anything else. Then I’d insisted on getting him to shower and change into the clothing that I’d bought in anticipation of Sebastian’s birthday that year- a olive green polo and sweater set and creamy trousers that had cost a fortune. When I saw him, I was really surprised. The olive green brought back some of the colour he’d lost after his ordeal and brought out the darker shades of blue in his eyes- in that outfit he looked less like the emo bad boy and more the ivy league preppy boy next door, his slightly overlong hair curling nicely over the collar of the sweater. When I complimented him, he grumbled about how it wasn’t his style and how ridiculous he looked.

After that we got down to serious talk, I showed him all the stuff I’d found out about the CIA tracing his whereabouts and I expressed how I thought it all didn’t make sense, about the events in Washington and how they had lost control of him and desperately needed him back under control. After some gentle prodding, John made some surprising confessions. He said that the CIA was really working to restore him to Shield- a subsection of the government where he’d worked for a man called Alexander Pierce. After further delving into more of my father’s files, John admitted that he’d been actually sent to get rid of Captain Rogers and Natasha Romanov on this man’s orders and everything had only gone awry when they had resisted him. As John told this story, the life seemed to go out of him and I sensed that he wasn’t exactly telling me everything but the haunted look in his eyes told me not to ask. John told me he had failed his mission when he’d found out that Alexander Pierce had been double crossing him all along, he’d narrowly escaped being captured by Pierce because he was killed and he’d been on the run ever since. The CIA thinking he was a fugitive of Shield, were trying to get custody of him again and John had only come here searching for Intel that would help prove that he wasn’t a fugitive and was in fact a hostage of Hydra.

When he’d finished his story I must admit that as complicated as it seemed, it explained a lot about John and it filled the gaps in my own information. The CIA would certainly be more than willing to turn in anyone deemed as dangerous to the secret service and John was more than just dangerous, if his story got out, it would expose Hydra’s ties to Shield. John’s story just verified something that I’d always suspected could happen and that’s why I believed him.

There was also something in me that said that I had to help John, it just instinctively seemed like the right thing to do. It was in that moment that I realised why I hadn’t called the police two days before, it had been pure instinct and now, for the first time since meeting John, I was glad that I’d trusted my gut.

I smiled at him.

“You know I’m not really surprised, you were possibly the most polite burglar in history”.

“Yeah I guess that boat sailed when I didn’t steal anything”.

My smile disappeared and I reached out and touched his arm.

“You know, you can trust me John. I will do anything I can to help you”.

He smiled but his eyes still looked troubled.

“How can you help me Clara?” “Your father’s in the CIA”.

“I don’t know how yet but I know I will find a way”.

He swallowed.

“Why”?

“You know how I confronted you that night instead of calling the police and today I didn’t call the police”?

“Yes”.

I smiled wryly.

“Well let’s just say I had a feeling that it was the right thing to do”.

He considered my face for a moment, titling his head slightly to the left.

“Bucky” he finally said.

“What”? I asked puzzled.

“That’s my name, not John, its Bucky”.

A million burning questions almost flooded out of my mouth then but I bit them back.

I nodded.

“Bucky”.

I had a feeling that I’d find the answers to my questions in due course and so for once, I remained silent.

**A DAY LATER**

I don’t know what got into Sebastian but he actually somehow plucked up the courage to come knocking on my door and I had the misfortune of opening the door without paying proper attention.

Sebastian was holding possibly the biggest bouquet of red roses that I’d ever seen, his face so completely obscured by the enormous plant that I didn’t recognise him immediately.

“Before you slam the door in my face”- he paused mid-sentence, swinging the roses down and showing off his trademark puppy face. He looked extra gorgeous today, wearing perfectly cut black skinny jeans and a tight cashmere sweater which made him look as if he’d stepped out of the pages of some fashion magazine. Well more than usual anyway of which I’m sure Sebastian was fully aware. He’d never been one to shy away from using his looks to get what he wanted and today it seemed would be no exception.

“Remember that I’m sorry”. He finished with a wink.

I felt heat rise up in my face and neck, the wink had just been too much.

“Oh you’re sorry are you”? “Tell me how that trip with Gwen went and then I’ll truly believe that you’re sorry” I retorted sarcastically.

He knelt down and placed the flowers at my feet smoothly and stood up, leaning one arm casually on the doorframe, his face near mine.

“Don’t be like that Clara” he purred. “You know I never loved Gwen, it’s you that I love”. He reached out and took one of my curls into his hand and gently tugged at it. “I’ve been worried sick about you, calling non -stop but you never answer”. He said it so matter of factly, as if I was crazy to think that he was the creep he really was.

I threw my hands up angrily.

“Love, what does love have to do with anything”? “You don’t treat people that you love like SHIT”. I emphasised the last word by batting away his hand.

He leaned closer, his lips near mine. My heart kicked up a beat as I looked into his eyes just the way it used to.

“Come on C, Gwen never meant anything to me” he whispered hypnotically, lips near mine, and for a moment, I wanted to just close my eyes and let him kiss me. That is until I smelled his heavy aftershave and it broke the spell.

I put both of my hands on his chest and pushed him away as hard as I could.

He was taken aback, he threw his arms up in the air in surprise.

“What the hell’s gotten into you Clara”?!

“I don’t know, you tell me Sebastian”! “Until you can be a decent human being and get the fuck out of my life, I never want to see you again”! I added in a sugary sweet voice dripping with scorn.

His face flushed in anger and he stepped forward, his lips pulled into a sneer that contorted his good looks and made his thousand dollar porcelain white veneers look menacing.

“You think mean that now but when you realize how pathetic you are without me, you’ll come crawling back”. He spat, each syllable clearly meant to hurt me.

It’s funny but they had the exact opposite effect, they just made me pity him. He really was the pathetic one, needing to torture others for his life’s amusement because he hated his own life so much. People like Sebastian and Gwen were   leeches, parasites and I’d fed his ego for all those months, thinking myself unworthy to date him all because of some social ladder. It all seemed so stupid, so shallow, so fake compared to what Bucky and I had to deal with that I just laughed.

“Well don’t hold your breath” and with that I picked up the expensive floral arrangement and hurled it as hard as I could at Sebastian. It hit him in the chest and fell apart, the roses scattering all over the ground.

Sebastian was speechless.

“Goodbye Sebastian” and with that I closed the door.

I walked back to the kitchen in a daze, lost in thought. How could I have been so silly to think that what Sebastian and I had was love? We were so different, we wanted different things and had different goals, and it would never have worked out even if he hadn’t ruined it all with Gwen. Sebastian was part of my old life now, when I’d tried to make my father happy by conforming into the lifestyle of the Upper East Side with the perfect closet, the manicured boyfriend and the sunny vacations to St Tropez and the like. No that wasn’t going to be me, it never had and never would be. So what if Gwen and Marissa thought less of me because I was more interested in staying home and puzzling out complex national secrets rather than chasing some social high. Who were they to me at the end of the day?

I had been so lost in thought that I jumped when Bucky touched me lightly on the shoulder.

“I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend”.

I looked away guiltily, and shook my head.

“I don’t have a boyfriend…. he was just an acquaintance as I said before”.

“I heard raised voices, and there were rose petals scattered out there when I went to check if he’d left”.

I just shook my head and after a pause, it seemed that Bucky let it go. I went about my day hoping that would be the last I’d see of Sebastian, unfortunately I had no idea how wrong I was.

Later that day, after more digging through my father’s files to no avail, Bucky said he needed to go to the store to get a camera and dreading being left alone with my thoughts about Sebastian and boredom, I agreed to go with him. We walked through the streets of New York in silence, Bucky in front of me, his eyes watching everything and everyone- the muscles in his shoulders and back were tensed and his eyes darted back and forth at least twice a minute. Somehow watching him brought a smile to my lips and I couldn’t help remembering the feel of his lips on mine, his fingers rough and callused as they were had been gentle as they’d touched my neck. Watching him now, I knew that those hands could have probably easily snapped my neck just as easily as caressed me. Bucky was dangerous but I still couldn’t deny that I cared about him. I cared so much about him that I didn’t know if I could go back to not knowing him, to not seeing him or knowing if he would remember me or at least kissing me. What did that kiss mean? Had it been special to him as it had been to me? What if the reason we hadn’t talked about it was because it was something he wanted to forget? I felt a stab of cold pain in my heart and I felt my smile fade, that was something that I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear. I didn’t want to think about that so instead I focused on Bucky again, while I could sense unease in his posture, I could also see him take an interest in his surroundings- a little too much. It was as if this was his first time in New York, his eyes watched the skyscrapers and also looked with interest into the store windows around us.

“Is this your first time in New York”?

He glanced back at me mildly surprised, almost as if he’d forgotten I was there.

He shook his head.

“No, it’s just that I….haven’t been here in a while”.

“Okay” curious I continued “is it different”?

“Yes of course”.

He had a strange pained expression on his face so I rushed to change the topic.

“You know, we moved to New York when my mother left”.

His face relaxed and I could tell that he felt more at ease now so I kept on.

“I’m sorry to hear that”.

I smiled trying to hide my discomfort. I’d learned to expect such a reply after years of telling this story but I somehow could tell that he didn’t pity me like most others did. It made me respect him even more.

I tapped his arm playfully.

“Don’t be sorry, it was such a long time ago now”.

“That doesn’t necessarily make it any easier”.

I agreed.

“No it doesn’t but you think less and less about it each day until you fool your mind into forgetting about it”.

He half smiled.

“I’ve never thought about it that way but I guess it’s true. Sometimes you even bury yourself into something so you can pretend that there isn’t something vital missing from your life”.

I raised my eyebrows shocked- his words had hit home.

“Just like my father, I’m sure he’d like to forget all about my mother and even me”. I blurted out. I covered my mouth in embarrassment- had I really just done that? Admitted one of my greatest fears out loud?

“Ignore what I just said Bucky, I don’t know what’s wrong with me” I started babbling.

Bucky just looked at me, a calm expression on his face.

“Clara, there’s nothing wrong with you”.

“Yes there is, I have no filter”.

He laughed fully, his face breaking out into a full grin. It was a rich deep throaty sound and I didn’t want him to stop. He looked so happy that I had to stop myself from reaching out and pulling him into my arms.

“Yes I guess you can be a little too honest at times” I nodded in total agreement.

“But” he continued “that’s more of a good thing than a bad thing, it means you’re real, which is really rare in my experience and something your father I’m sure would remember you for alone- he would be a fool to forget you Clara”.

I smiled at that. Well I guess that kiss did mean a little something after all. I was real! The immature side of myself basked in the compliment.

 

We were strolling down an aisle in a massive department store, browsing for camera’s, well mostly I was doing the browsing while teasing him about his lack of basic knowledge about cameras when we turned the corner and came face to face with Sebastian.

“Oh hey”- he started but his easy-going expression turned into a scowl as he looked behind me.

The smile slid off my face and was replaced by something more akin to a grimace as I thought fast. I had to get Bucky out of here before he got suspicious, Sebastian had already aroused too much suspicion with his roses and I didn’t want Bucky to get the wrong idea.

“Hey Sebastian, nice to see you, gotta go”.

I grabbed Bucky’s arm and made to push past Sebastian but he stopped me by grabbing my arm.

“Hey Clara, not so fast, you haven’t introduced me to your friend”. He nodded in Bucky’s direction and I muttered a curse before plastering on a smile.

Putting on a sugary sweet tone, I introduced them.

“Bucky this is Sebastian, Sebastian this is Bucky”.

Sebastian smiled and put his arm around me.

“Now that’s not how you introduce your boyfriend”.

I winced at the word boyfriend. Great, this was exactly what I hadn’t wanted.

I shoved Sebastian’s arm off me.

“Ex -boyfriend if my mind remembers correctly” I all but snarled.

“Calm down Clara, if anyone should be pissed it’s me, seeing as you’ve got a little something you’ve been hiding yourself” “Really Clara, I must say you traded down in terms of cheating partners”.

He looked Bucky up and down. I saw something shift in Bucky’s eyes before he started forward.

I put myself in between Bucky and Sebastian.

As much as I wanted the smirk wiped off my delinquent ex, I also didn’t want to put him in a hospital. He was way out of his league here and he had no idea.

“Calm down” I whispered to Bucky. “Don’t do this”.

Sebastian behind me, not realizing the situation at hand continued.

“Yeah, you don’t want to mess with me, not if you want to leave here in one piece”.

I maintained eye contact with Bucky.

“Look at me Bucky, I’ll deal with this”. His face was starting to flush and there was a muscle in his jaw twitching.

“Please” I whispered.

After a moment, he nodded his assent and I let him go.

“Great choice wise guy”. Sebastian’s mocking tone sounded behind me.

I turned around and shoved Sebastian hard, and surprised he almost fell back.

I was sick and tired of him, ruining everything, dragging me back into something I wanted to forget.

“Get out of here Sebastian, what part of we’re over did you not get”? I snarled.

People in the aisle had been watching us before but they turned fully to stare when I yelled those words.

I saw Sebastian blush as he looked at all the people staring and I saw humiliation and then anger in his eyes as he walked back towards me.

“No Clara, you do not get to end this relationship, I am Sebastian fucking Carter and you are coming with me whether you like it or not” he made to grab my arm again but this time Bucky grabbed his arm and I saw Sebastian’s face pale.

I glanced at Bucky’s face but the earlier annoyance was gone and he appeared totally calm which was even more terrifying. For a moment I panicked thinking about his metal hand but luckily he had his gloves still on, though I couldn’t recall when he’d done so. I guess I’d been distracted.

“Sebastian, if you touch Clara again, I’ll break your arm, understand”? His voice was low and truly menacing.

Sebastian nodded quickly, the fear was evident on his face.

“Good. Clara says she didn’t want to see you when you came to the house and I’m sure she’s saying so now” he glanced at me and I nodded in assent.

“Stay away from her, when a lady says she doesn’t want you, she doesn’t. Do you understand me”?

“Yyes” Sebastian stammered out.

With a slight shove, he let go of Sebastian and not waiting a moment longer, Sebastian darted around the corner.

I turned back to Bucky and he still had that unnerving calm expression on his face.

“Thank you for that”.

Bucky didn’t respond, instead he walked past me, grabbed a camera, paid for it and started walking out of the store all in a brooding silence. We walked out of the store with the intense stares of other customers boring into our backs.

I was too afraid to say something, the muscles in his back were tense and it was finally when he pulled me outside that he began to speak.

“Why didn’t you tell me the truth Clara”?

His voice was clipped and he seemed angry.

“I did tell you the truth” I said in a small voice.

He turned around and threw his hands up in the air. He then turned back around and closed the distance between us. I had to resist the urge to step back- he managed to intimidate me even in his preppy clothing.

“No you didn’t Clara and you know it”.

I looked up at him helpless.

“Well, it’s true, Sebastian and I have been over the entire time I’ve known you and I genuinely thought that Sebastian wouldn’t be a problem”.

His face softened slightly as he looked at me. His hand was reached up and cupped my cheek tenderly, surprising me so soon after his outburst.

“He’s the reason you were so upset when we first met, he’s the reason you were crying and why you had drunk yourself to sleep”.

I looked away, my cheeks flaming.

“Jeez, I did not drink myself to sleep”. I refused to make eye contact, I was so embarrassed that he’d seen me that way, at my lowest and he’d been a total stranger. He must have thought I was the damsel in distress types, crying over every little broken heart and falling to pieces at every opportunity.

“I broke it off” I added, trying to redeem myself. I was embarrassed that he’d had to meet Sebastian, the idiot that I’d agreed to call my boyfriend once upon a time. He must think I was the silliest girl in the world.

“Clara, look at me”. When I continued to look beside his head, he titled my head till I could no longer avoid those piercing blue green eyes of his.

“I’m not here to judge you Clara, I don’t think you’re weak, I just wish you’d told me”.

Suddenly I hated his calm understanding even more than when he’d been angry at me.

“Well it’s not like you’ve been entirely honest with me either” I retorted hotly.

“No I haven’t, but it’s not what you think, I don’t want you getting involved any more than you have to, it’s dangerous, I’m dangerous”.

He released my face and just kept looking at me with a somewhat pained expression on his face.

I raised my eyebrows refusing to let it go.

“I’m not buying it Bucky, it’s not like you really care”-

I was cut off when he moved close, his face inches above mine. I could feel the heat radiating off his body and somehow I felt like I’d pushed him too far. It was only when I smelled him, musky and oh so masculine that I felt a tingle in my lower spine and heat pooled into my stomach. This time, desperate to prove that Sebastian was nothing to me, I took the initiative and got onto my toes and kissed him. He kissed me back, our kisses fast and our breathing heavy. His stubble tickled my face and I reached up and stroked the side of his jaw with my finger. I felt and heard him groan, he pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. It was me who pulled away albeit reluctantly but only because I could feel eyes watching us and sure enough when I opened my eyes, there were two kids across the street pointing. I stepped back and almost fell but I felt his arm wrap around my waist and steady me.

He stood there in front of me, eyes closed. He was murmuring to himself.

“Oh Clara, why, why do you do this to me”?

I smiled.

It seemed I had the same effect that he had on me, that he couldn’t control himself when he was kissing me. I felt a thrill go through my body at that thought.

“Hey Bucky”- he abruptly stopped and his head snapped up, his whole body tensing as his eyes scanned around. I felt shock and a kind of fear as I looked around. What was it that was scaring him, what was near that could put even him on edge? He reached out and swept me back against the wall in a fluid motion as he peered around the corner. The kids that had been there just a moment before had disappeared and the street was suddenly silent and deserted. I felt unease make the hair on my arms rise and my palms started to sweat as Bucky stood next to me, hardly breathing just paying attention. His face reminded me of the few times I’d seen nature shows on television, it represented perfectly the calm before the storm when a lion would pounce on a gazelle or a snake would snap out its head and swallow a mouse whole. The scary thing was I didn’t know if we were the predator or the prey.

The silence was broken by my phone ringing in my purse. I jumped but Bucky didn’t even flinch, he just kept watch and curtly told me to answer the phone. I’d even forgotten that I’d taken it from the house, I couldn’t remember even when Bucky had trusted me enough to return it. It must have been sometime after I’d confronted him and told him to tell me the truth. I looked down at the screen and felt my stomach fall. The caller was my father. Shit. He had never called me unless it was really dire, that meant something huge was happening. The last time he’d called me was after my mother had left. It meant my father knew what was going on, it meant that the game was up.

“Hello Dad”.

My father cut to the chase.

“Clara, listen to me, you are in danger, the man standing next to you is dangerous and you need to get away right now”.

“Dad, it’s not what you think”-

He cut me off.

“I don’t know what he’s told you or what lies he’s fed you but we’re coming to rescue you Clara”.

I wiped my now sodden hand off onto my pants, oh how was I going to explain this to my father?

“Dad, I don’t need rescuing, Bucky isn’t a criminal, you have got the wrong guy”.

A tense moment of silence followed and my father spoke in a clipped hard tone.

“Clara you have no”-

I cut him off this time.

“I know more than you think Dad, I know about Washington, about Natasha Romanov and about the winter soldier”.

“Clara, you must know he’s a trained liar and a murderer and he wants you to think he’s innocent”.

“I”-

I faltered for a moment, thinking about Bucky. How well did I really know this guy? What if he really did have me where he wanted me? There really was so much that he hadn’t told me, so much that he’d hidden from me. Was he really a murderer? I’d known he was dangerous but never to that category. It was then that I remembered his bruised and broken body, how he had been gentle almost tender with me just moments before, how he’d looked at Sebastian with disgust. No, that couldn’t be Bucky or at least he deserved a chance to explain himself. I made my choice.

“Dad, I feel it in my gut that you’re wrong and I’ll prove it”.

“Clara, please, don’t do this, I know he may seem thrilling and dangerous to a teenage girl but think about your future, think about Sebastian” He sounded exasperated and extremely disappointed.

I steeled myself, knowing full well that I was hurting my father, I continued.

“Dad, he’s innocent and I’m going to help him”. I pulled the phone from my ear and ended the call.

I leaned into his ear: “Bucky, I don’t know how long we have but the CIA will be here in any minute”.

“They’re already here”. Bucky pointed up at the roof of a building across from us and lo and behold there were two gunmen poised, their guns pointed right at us.

Fear clenched at my stomach and I felt my throat dry up.

“What do we do”? My voice came out higher than usual.

“Get a car, and get out of here, stay behind me” and with that he moved into motion. Running he darted around the corner and I struggled to keep up with him. That’s when the shooting began and I almost fainted from sheer terror. In the movies no one tells you actually how terrifying a nearby gunshot can be, I sped up my pace as we hurtled into the busy street. The guns stopped but I glanced behind and saw two hulking men in dark clothes approach us from behind and I could see two more in front. They weren’t running but they clearly had eyes only for Bucky and I. Bucky then grabbed my arm and sped our pace up, I glanced behind us and back at the ones in front of us, they also sped up their pace. We were pushing past people, I stepped on one woman’s foot and had no time to apologize to her and I heard her curse behind us. We wove our way further down the street teeming with activity due to all the cafes and large chain stores, me calling out excuse me and sorry all the way. The four hulking men were almost upon us when Bucky suddenly veered off to the left and there were no more people. He turned to say one word.

“Run”.

He started running at full speed and needing no further instruction, I followed him into the deserted carpark and didn’t look back. We ran past one row of cars and then past another. We turned right and ran past another row of parked cars. That’s when we saw a woman about to get into her car, it was a small silver ford and Bucky sprang into action. He ran towards her and I saw the woman falter, then she started to try to get into her car but he was upon her. He pulled her from the car and deposited her onto the ground not too roughly and grabbed her keys all in the blink of an eye. It had all been so quick that I struggled to keep up, and as I crossed to the passenger side I called out to her: “I’m so sorry but we really need your car”.

She just blinked up at me terrified and speechless. I shrugged apologetically and got into the car. Bucky already had his foot on the gas before I even had time to close the door. We swerved out of the parking spot, grazing two cars and almost hitting the poor woman on the ground. I yelled out “Careful” and Bucky righted the car and we swerved around the car park looking for the exit. I looked in the side mirror and saw the four men had just rounded the corner and before I could even register this, they had simultaneously reached into their jackets and pulled out guns that they aimed at us.

“Shit, Bucky they’re”-

“Yes I know Clara, they are aiming the guns at our tyres” he said almost bored.

I heard several shots fire and we swerved to the left, another and we swerved to the right. Bucky then accelerated and we turned sharply onto the ramp that led to the exit. There was a line to get out of the parking lot and I could hear cries of fear coming from the other cars. They must have heard the gun shots. One of the two cars in front of us had finished and they sped out of the lot, the next car moved forward. Shit we didn’t have time for this, those men would be upon us any second now and we-

“Crap Bucky we don’t have a ticket”!

“Relax Clara, we don’t need one, I know how these machines work”.

I leaned over and looked into the rear view mirror and sure as hell, I could see the men had moved closer and were taking aim to shoot again. They fired and I flinched down, bending my body over my knees. The gunshot had sounded even closer than the others, I glanced up and saw that they had hit the side mirror on my side, cracking it. Luckily enough, the car in front got the hint and moved out onto the street. Bucky put his foot down and we moved forward. He rolled down the window and without hesitation, he punched the ticket machine with his gloved metal fist. The machine didn’t give any resistance and the yellow metal folded like plastic, the screen cracked and it was smoking. The metal arm went up almost automatically. Bucky hit the gas and we accelerated out of the lot, the sound of gunshots being fired behind us.

“So much for knowing those machines” I muttered.

I saw Bucky smile at the wheel as we drove down the deserted side street, he turned right again and then left. We were now in a part of New York that I’d never seen before, it was quiet and the sound of traffic was far behind us. It also looked more residential than anything.

“What do we do now”? I asked genuinely curious, Bucky had shown himself as more than capable, nothing fazed him and it seemed that this was far from his first car chase.

“We lose them, we need to ditch this car as they probably have the number plate and get another car”.

I nodded. “Okay”.

He was right, the CIA was anything if thorough. A thought came to me and I reached into my purse and rolled down my window. I grabbed my phone, kissed it goodbye and tossed it out of the window onto the ground.

I saw him nod and he glanced at me. His expression was appraising.

“Good thinking Clara”. He actually sounded impressed and my insides tingled at his praise.

We drove some more, Bucky seemed to know where he was going despite him saying he hadn’t been to New York in a long time. We finally ditched the car in a quiet back street and started walking.

“You know we have to get new clothes now, as much as I love this” he gestured down to his chinos and polo shirt. I giggled.

“You know those were expensive”. I mock pouted.

“I’m sorry but we both have to, they probably have a description and if they are as desperate as I think, they might put word out onto the news”.

I gasped and gaped at him.

“My father wouldn’t do that would he”? Just as soon as I uttered the words, I knew that I was wrong. My father lived and breathed the CIA, and if Bucky was on their list, he would do anything to cross him off. Including making his own daughter a fugitive.

I nodded my head. I’d broken all ties when I’d decided to believe Bucky, I would just have to follow it through.

We got to a rundown shopping precinct just in time, all the shops looked like they were about to close and the area was fairly quiet -we only walked past two or three people. I looked around, the sky was that funny yellow it got when it was late and I had to guess that It was almost five or even six o’clock. Wow had we really been driving that long? We got to a large cheap department store that was still open and walked to the clothing aisle. Bucky grabbed a black hoodie, black canvas shoes, black jeans and several black t-shirts as well as a large canvas duffle bag.

“Going back to all black are we”? I teased.

“Yeah, you are too”. He nodded at the female side of the clothing display.

I did as I was told and pretty much collected the female equivalent of his clothing.

“Just like in the movies” I mused. “Is black really the best for….this kind of thing”? I lowered my voice and looked around.

“Yes, surprisingly the movies are right about one thing. It’s easier to blend in and plus, it hides blood really well”.

I looked up at him and he winked.

“How morbid”. I shuddered hoping he was joking.

I hit him playfully on the arm as we left for the registers.

This left another dilemma. I only had fifty dollars of cash on me, the CIA would definitely be checking my father’s card and we couldn’t risk them finding us this early. Lucky Bucky had a wallet stuffed full of hundred dollar bills. I couldn’t help my mouth dropping open when he paid for everything with one of the several notes. When he noted my expression he smiled and whispered.

“Luck favours the prepared”.

God knows when he’d stuffed his wallet, he really was a professional. I was, I had to admit impressed. Bucky was the perfect picture of a secret agent, he had a killer instinct, was observant to a fault and was extremely fast and strong. It was actually only to be expected that he would be able to get us out of anything.

The cashier: a mousy female girl with scuffed shoes and greasy lank hair falling out of a ponytail was extremely talkative. She kept asking Bucky questions and shockingly enough, he was responding effortlessly. Smiling his heartbreaker smile, winking and god forbid, cracking jokes with her. The girl, Lucy as I noted her name was, kept tossing her hair and blushing up at Bucky. It was only when she batted her non -existent lashes up at Bucky that I realised that she was flirting with him and astoundingly, he was flirting back. I must admit, after the initial shock wore off, I felt a pang of jealousy flare in me as I saw her smile at him in adoration. The transaction took longer than was strictly necessary and I was admittedly relieved when we left.

“What was that all about”? I asked in an airy voice, attempting to disguise my inner peevishness about Lucy.

“Nothing”.

I felt more jealousy well up in me as I retorted.

“Well it certainly wasn’t nothing to Lucy”.

Bucky glanced at me and I saw his eyes light up with amusement. He was enjoying this.

I huffed and walked faster.

“Fine, be that way”.

I heard him laugh behind me.

“Clara wait” He caught up to me and put a hand on my arm.

I ignored him and kept walking. I knew I was being stupid and petty but I couldn’t help it.

“No it’s fine if you don’t want to tell me”.

We reached the doors of the shopping precinct when I realised that I had no idea where we were going next.

I groaned inwardly and turned back to face Bucky’s smug face.

“What do we do now”? I asked in a quiet voice.

Bucky smiled and just lifted his hand.

In it gleamed a pair of car keys.

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open.

“Where and when”?

“Just then, or were you too busy watching Lucy”? He raised an eyebrow, a smile on his face.

I sighed as it clicked.

“That’s why you were talking to her, it was to distract her while you lifted her keys”. I frowned as I remembered her face, I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Lucy and I felt ashamed at my earlier jealousy.

“You really are the devil, you know that Bucky”?

He just shook his head, face still alight with mirth.

“You know Clara, jealousy doesn’t suit you”.

I felt my face flame up and I just turned around and walked out of the shopping centre. When we got to the parking lot, we saw the car that the keys belonged to. The poor girl had (from the look of the scuffed seats and the “Jesus loves me” bumper sticker) had borrowed the old white four wheel drive from her parents. Bucky drove again and only fifteen minutes later we stopped outside a creepy old train station, after one glance at the deserted car park, I voiced my suspicions.

“What are we doing here, this place is giving me the heeby jeebies”.

“Clara, just trust me, this will only take a few minutes”.

“Oh alright” I gave in and followed Bucky out of the car into the now chilly early evening air.

The train station was open and as we stepped into the waiting area of the station, I saw that it appeared empty except for a portly middle aged male attendant behind a scratched plastic screen. The floor was covered in litter and the seats were just as scratched as the plastic screen. I looked around and saw that there was a camera in two corners of the room, they appeared to be the only brand new thing in the whole station and I tensed. The CIA would definitely be watching every camera at every train, bus, even plane station so what was so worth risking walking into such an obvious trap? Bucky nodded at the attendant who’s face remained as cold as stone and crossed the room towards some beaten up looking storage lockers. He started entering in a series of numbers into the keypad at the one on the end. I followed him and stood behind his shoulder, hiding my face from either camera with a shake of my hair.

“Bucky, there are cameras in here, the CIA will be monitoring watching every camera at every train and bus station, we really should get out of here”.

He didn’t turn around.

“Yes I know, we need what’s in this locker though”.

“Got it” Bucky murmured and the locker opened. I peered over his shoulder curiously but there was just another beaten up old black duffle bag, almost identical to the one we had just bought. This one was full of something though, the zip was straining to keep the contents of the bag inside. Bucky started to lift it and I saw it was heavy, I heard a dull thud as it bumped up against the metal side of the locker and I also heard something like loose change shift inside the bag. Bucky stood still and looked at me.

“I need you to go over there and ask the attendant what time the next train to” he thought for a moment before continuing “ Los Angeles is” he smiled.

“We aren’t getting the train though are we”? I asked puzzled.

“No we aren’t but I need you to ask nonetheless”.

I shrugged and hesitantly approached the stern balding man behind the screen.

I leaned forward into the holes of the plastic and spoke.

“Hello, what time is the next train to Los Angeles”?

A large frown appeared on his face and he spoke in a cold clipped voice.

“The next train is in an hour, eight thirty four”. He pointed at an old TV monitor that was mounted on the wall. The screen while covered in a thick layer of dust, clearly showed all departure times and I realised what a massive idiot I must look like asking for something I knew the answer to. My cheeks crimson, I thanked the man and walked back to Bucky. He had the duffle bag and was waiting at the door for me.

By the time we got back to the car, I was bursting with curiosity.

“What’s in the bag”? I blurted out the moment Bucky put the car into reverse.

“Wait till later and you’ll see” he answered.

I nodded unsurprised. He really did love to torture me.

“Well at least tell me why I had to ask about a train we have no intention of boarding”.

He looked at me, a slightly smug expression on his face.

“When they see us on the cameras, they’ll send someone out to the place to see if we’re still here and when they find us gone, they’ll-

“Ask the man if he’s seen us and if he knew where we were going” I finished for him. “Damn you really do think of everything”. I added in a half appraising, half grumbling tone.

“Not everything but close, besides you didn’t let me finish”. “I also hope that they’ll be too distracted by you talking to the attendant to look too closely at what I was doing”.

**THREE HOURS LATER**

My mouth dropped open in shock as I looked at the television. Bucky and I had stopped at a run of the mill chain restaurant for food and it had all been going well until now. The television was on mute but I could clearly see Bucky and my faces- an unflattering photo of me had been supplied- covering the television screen with the words “armed and dangerous” printed underneath. I glanced around the restaurant- the boisterous family sitting next to us were just as engrossed in their toddler’s tantrum as they had been just a few minutes before. I looked past them and it seemed that no one was really paying much attention to the television. I breathed a sigh of relief and tapped Bucky’s foot under the table none to gently.

“Ow” he grumbled as he looked up from the massive burger he’d been devouring.

“Sorry but” I looked around and lowered my voice. “This is an emergency” I nodded my head to the television mounted on the wall. Bucky glanced at it for half a second and went back to his food.

I looked back up at it and they were now showing the footage of us at the train station and of us driving out of the carpark with the first car we’d stolen or borrowed as Bucky had put it.

“Clara” Bucky murmured in a low voice and I looked at him.

“I did tell you they would put out a warning if they got desperate enough and it seems they have. They clearly think we’re still in the other car”.

I felt a knot in my stomach form.

“I didn’t think they would do it this quickly, I didn’t think that he”- my voice broke off. The words remained unspoken, I hadn’t expected my father to put my face on the news, calling me a criminal.

I looked away, my eyes filling with unexpected tears. I started playing with the cutlery besides my plate. Bucky’s hand grabbed my wrist and held it still. He forced me to look at him.

“Clara, you’re doing the right thing, your father will know it in the end”.

I swallowed and nodded, my throat too fuzzy to speak and before I could stop it, I felt a tear slide down my face. I looked away from his face and into my lap. I felt his gloved hand on my cheek as Bucky wiped the tear away. His eyes, dark in the dim lighting of the restaurant held my gaze and I felt heat shoot up my spine. I saw a fleeting look in Bucky’s eyes before he looked away and the moment of tension passed. It was almost as if I’d imagined it.

Bucky cleared his throat and stood up.

“Clara, we should go”.

I nodded and after paying at the desk, we departed the restaurant in search of a motel where we could re-group.

The motel Bucky chose was actually quite nice with modern finishing’s and a clean carpark. It went against the stereotypical “seedy motel is the last place they’ll look” and Bucky had insisted on this. This motel was close to the highway had plenty of exits and one could see any potential danger coming for a while. Bucky had slipped the bored clerk an extra hundred dollars to waive the I.D check and in return, he was also just as generous, we got a room facing the entrance and carpark of the motel so we could see anyone approaching. Bucky opened the door to the room and I flicked on the light. The room was nice and smelled slightly of lavender with a huge double bed and a flat screen television. It was only when I sat on the bed that I realized how truly exhausted I was. All the running, stealing and fear of the day really had worn me out. I kicked off my shoes and lay back on the bed, letting my eyes close.

I felt Bucky dump our stuff onto the bed and I opened my eyes reluctantly.

“You can’t sleep yet, we still have stuff to figure out”.

He had an eyebrow raised and had his arms crossed over his body.

I poked out my bottom lip.

“Like what”? “This bed is calling me”.

He smiled and continued.

“Well don’t you want to know what’s in the bag”?

I sat up quickly, my earlier curiosity returned.

“Yes, what’s in there”?

Bucky didn’t answer, instead he pulled off his gloves and proceeded to unzip the bag. He started pulling out a big black camera with a huge long lens, two metal boxes with contents that jingled when moved and several black guns and a black canvas pouch full of thin deadly sharp looking knives. Lastly came out a piece of paper rolled up with a rubber band which turned out to be a blue print of the Smithsonian in D.C.

I whistled and must admit I was not surprised.

“I suppose we can’t run around with nothing to defend ourselves for much longer” I teased.

I reached out and rested my hand on one of the metal boxes.

“Ammunition”? I asked questioningly.

Bucky nodded. I leaned forward to peer into the duffle bag. There appeared only to be clothing in there-pants, a shirt and what appeared to be another shirt made of leather strips, plus two belts with gaps for storing things. Utility belts.

“More clothing. What was the point of you buying some if you knew you already had some”?

I leaned back and crossed my arms.

“These are battle clothes, think of it as a uniform”.

I nodded and ran my hands through my hair.

Bucky watched me and spoke again.

“Speaking of uniform, we’re too conspicuous, especially you with your hair”.

I reached up to tug at a curl.

“Why, what’s wrong with my”…my voice trailed off. My hair even on a good day attracted unwanted attention, but especially since we were being hunted by not only the CIA but also the general public now, it would draw too much attention. I stood up and walked to the kitchen area of the room and opened the cutlery cupboard, looking for a pair of scissors. I found one and held it up.

“Yeah, unless you have some hair dye, my hair’s going to have to go”. I joked feebly. As much as I knew that keeping my hair as it would bring nothing but trouble, I wouldn’t enjoy chopping it all off.

Bucky was still standing by the bed and watching me with a slight smile on his face.

“You know you could just wear it up if you don’t want to cut it”?

I grimaced.

“That may work for you with your nicely layered hair but my hair is a curly mess. A ponytail can’t change that”.

He walked towards me still smiling in that subtle way of his.

“Is that a compliment Clara”? He reached out and tugged the scissors out of my hands.

“Maybe”. I replied coyly, fully aware of the fact that he was flirting with me and loving every moment.

“Let me do it Clara, it’ll be quicker”.

My surprise and reluctance must have showed on my face because he laughed and raised his hands in a mock oath.

“I swear not to disfigure you for life, scout’s honour”.

I just raised an eyebrow and said in a solemn voice.

“I will hold you to your word you know”.

It turned out that Bucky wasn’t a totally bad hairdresser and after sitting in the bathtub, I was left with a not too shabby bob that finished just below my ears and I had to admit that maybe this style of hair suited me even better than my long hair had. I secretly added ‘impromptu hairdresser’ to the many skills Bucky had.

After I’d thanked him for not “cramping my style” he left me in the bathroom with my plastic bag of shopping and had me change my clothes so we could dump them at the motel. I changed into the black we had bought hours before- the black skinny jeans, v neck t-shirt, and hoodie. I hadn’t realised that Bucky had left me in the bathroom to change because he was in the process of changing himself. He was zipping himself into his jeans with his back to me when I walked back into the room.

“Shit” was my first thought. I tried to sneak back into the bathroom but he turned around and caught me. I plastered on a smile but I felt my face burst into flames and I descended into an all-out blush fest. I tried to avert my eyes but I couldn’t. Even though he was still bruised from god knows what he had been doing last night, he still had the body of David. Hell a body even better than David’s. It was as if the metal arm just added to him, it was sensuous, sleek and had that slight air of danger that he had. His chest and arms were muscular and bronze, he had a six pack that went right down to the band of his jeans- how could I look away? As hard as I tried to avoid it, my eyes were drawn to that thin line of dark hair just under his bellybutton. I nervously licked my lips as Bucky walked towards me.

“I’m-I” I stammered out as I started backing away. To my shame my feet weren’t moving as fast as I wanted them to and I felt the now familiar tingle of sexual awareness in my stomach. A line of heat shot down my spine as Bucky reached out for me, his hands wrapping around my waist, he pulled me close. I felt my hands smack onto his bare chest as he brought his mouth down to mine. I felt weak in the knees as our lips touched, it just felt so right, he just felt so right. The smell of him filled my nostrils, that now familiar masculine smell and I (to my own shame moaned). I shifted my weight onto my tip toes to wrap my arms around his neck and my fingers found their way into his soft hair. He moved his hands too, they traced my hipbones under the edge of my t-shirt. I felt a thrill at not only the touch of his human hand but the metal hand felt deliciously cold on my skin and sent more electric shocks racing across my skin. His hands slid up and I thinking he wanted to take off my shirt, I quickly unzipped and slid off my hoodie. Instead he lifted me and I instinctively wrapped my legs around him, his hands sliding down to support me. We started moving back towards the bed and Bucky dropped backwards with me on top of him. All the while his lips were roving all over me, my mouth, neck, shoulders and the tops of my breasts. I had never felt this out of control before, like I wanted to merge entirely into someone else. I’d never come this close, never felt this intimate with Sebastian or anyone for that matter before, like I was totally ready and unafraid of being with Bucky. I know it sounded crazy and stupid considering I hadn’t even known him the week before but it was just instinct. Something had changed in me since I’d met him, it was like Bucky was encouraging me to stop waiting for things to happen and rather to make things happen. Stop spying on my father, stop tolerating Sebastian’s behaviour and actually be honest with both of them. I felt his hands graze my hips before continuing upwards and pulling up my shirt, I raised my hands over my head and let it slide off. I said a silent prayer that I’d chosen to wear my nicest push up bra that day and found his lips again. Bucky rolled over and pinned me to the bed with his forearms and he slid a hard thigh in between my legs as he rained kisses all over me. I freed one of my arms and slid a hand down his body to his abdomen, feeling the hard ridges of muscle and the silky smooth line of hair below his bellybutton. I heard and felt Bucky groan above me and he kissed me even harder, our tongues caught in a frenzy. I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants when I felt his hand stop me and he stopped kissing me. I opened my eyes slowly and blinked up at Bucky’s face.

“What’s wrong”? I asked.

Bucky cleared his throat and rolled off me. He was breathing hard, his face flushed and his eyes had a gleam in them that I’d never seen before. He cleared his throat and looked at me again, his eyes roving all over me- eyes, lips, breasts and finally my lips before looking away.

“I-I I’m too old for you Clara, you should be with someone less…complicated than me”.

“What”!? I sat up. I felt the sting of rejection like a slap. Of everything I’d anticipated, this was the last thing I had expected for him to say.

“Do you mean someone like Sebastian”?

Bucky also sat up and looked around, he tossed my t-shirt to me.

He shook his head.

“No that’s not what I meant, I just-”. He was the one stammering now and I quickly slid on the t-shirt.

“You don’t want me is that it”? I asked in a small voice, suddenly feeling defeated.

He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

“No Clara, I just want to do things properly. Call me old fashioned but I feel like you deserve better than a cheap motel in the middle of nowhere” he finally said, his face pleading with me to understand.

I was quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in.

“I’m sorry Clara, I let this go on, and I should have been straight with you from the start”.

I reached out and held both of his hands in my own, I looked into his eyes.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, it’s cool if you don’t want this”. I smiled as the rest of his words sunk in.

“Besides Bucky, I think it’s sweet that you think I deserve better and as for the too old, I don’t see any wrinkles on you”. I winked, “I’m totally legal if you were wondering”. I added a little saucily, batting my lashes.

As much as I wanted to continue with our earlier activities, I meant every word I had said. I had hated Sebastian pressuring me into doing things I wasn’t ready for and I knew that I couldn’t- no wouldn’t do that to Bucky.

“You are one troublesome girl, you know that”? I laughed. I felt my smile fade as I looked at his body, I mean really looked. The bruises were yellow and looked like they were healing but the bandages were gone, his skin healed where only hours before there had been a nasty gash. I instinctively touched the healed skin and whistled in wonder.

“It’s totally gone”. I looked up and he looked away quickly.

“I know, it disappeared almost as soon as you patched it up”.

“Shit”! I knew there was no way Bucky was normal. I mean I’d suspected that since the metal arm was leaps ahead of the blades they gave army veterans. It was an amazing piece of engineering, it had probably cost more than I could comprehend. It dawned on me that I had ignored something huge that was staring me in the face.

“How did all of this happen Bucky”?” Who gave you these bruises”? I blurted.

Bucky stood up and I tugged on his arm.

“Tell me please”.

Bucky looked at me with a faraway look in his eyes and sat down next to me.

“I had gone to stash my things at the train station we visited earlier today and on my way back to the house, I was…accosted”.

I nodded eagerly for him to continue.

“They tried to force me into a van but I fought back. I barely made it back as you saw and at first I thought it was the CIA but they seemed a little forceful, even for the CIA”.

“Oh my god, Bucky, why didn’t you tell me?” “I could have helped you find out who it was”.

He shrugged.

“I didn’t want to involve you and besides, you did help me, you opened the door when you could have left me there to die”.

I blushed and looked down. His shoulder caught my eye, the skin was burnt and puckered with scar tissue where the metal arm met the flesh. I traced his skin with a fingertip. I looked up nervously and he was watching me, his eyes intense. I bit my lip and asked the question that I had been burning to ask.

“Who did this to you, Bucky”? I asked quietly.

He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I should have known you would ask eventually”.

He looked so sad in that moment it just broke my heart. He also just seemed exhausted in that moment that I almost regretted asking. It hurt me so much to see this man refuse to bat an eyelash at guns and knife wounds but he totally fell apart when I mentioned his arm.

Bucky swallowed nervously and he told me.

Bucky was born in 1917 as James Buchanan Barnes and had been enlisted as a soldier in the army during the Second World War. He’d grown up with a young Steve Rodgers, they had been best friends and inseparable until the war when Bucky was taken as a prisoner of war. Steve had rescued him and everything had been going fine until he fell off a train going through a mountain pass.

Then he’d been taken prisoner by a faction of Hydra (a secret society) and they had amputated his arm, he’d woken up with the metal arm and been so horrified and disoriented that he’d attacked the first person he’d seen. They had put him under ice, keeping him in a hyper sleep and only woken him up several years later in Russia to train. They had helped him, giving him serums and all sorts of crazy things to make him stronger, bigger, faster. He excelled at his training and had learned to speak Russian fluently as he completed several missions for Hydra. Every time they would send him on a mission, they would use electro shock therapy to make him forget things they didn’t want him to know and re icing him (as he called it) every few years.

Bucky had been sent after Captain America and the black widow by a faction in shield led by Alexander Pierce. They had deceived him, telling him that it was for the greater good that he kill them. He went after them and he had reservations after he realized that there was something odd going on. His memories had started coming back and he was unable to complete the mission. When he had raised those queries with Alexander Pierce, he had been rewarded with a particularly heavy dose of shock therapy and he’d been sent to kill Captain America once more. He almost succeeded when instinct told him to save him instead and he had gone into hiding. When he learned that Alexander Pierce and Hydra had fallen, he’d gone looking for answers and found them in the form of his personal history at the Smithsonian and an old bank vault. He’d fled Washington for New York looking for more answers and eventually he’d encountered the CIA and found out that he was being hunted by them. He had then looked into the CIA and after discovering my father’s authority, he had stalked him for weeks and eventually followed him back to the apartment.

That was the night that he had met me.

“Well, you’re completely up to date now” he joked weakly.

His face just seemed different, as if the light had left his eyes and his shoulders seemed to sag. It was hard to remember the confidence I’d seen in him before, it hurt me to see him suffer like this, but also very angry. I wanted to make them pay for making Bucky suffer in the worst way humanly possible, for using him and disposing of him when they didn’t need him anymore. Even though Bucky had done some questionable things by breaking into my house and holding me captive, his actions had come from a good place. It was in that moment that everything shifted and I knew with 100 per cent certainty that I would move heaven and earth just to see Bucky out of the clutches of the CIA or whoever else wanted to hurt him again. I knew words could never express my sorrow adequately so I just held Bucky’s hand and we sat there in silence, the weight of his words hanging in the air. It was in that silence that it came to me, the way to make sure that no one could ever hurt Bucky in that way ever again. I just prayed that it would work because if one aspect failed, Bucky would be worse off than before.

 

 

 

 

**THREE - THIRTY A.M**

I rubbed at my eyes, trying to keep awake as we walked through the nippy cold morning air. It was still dark but Bucky had insisted that we had to leave now if my plan were to work. The plan we’d worked out in painstaking detail before sleeping for a few hours (three give hours give or take), showering and eating a quick breakfast before checking out of the motel. We got to the car and proceeded to a 7/11 or anywhere we could find a cell phone with GPS and supplies for our road trip. We bought two identical cell phones with two portable chargers so we could get them going. Luck seemed to be on our side because the clerk couldn’t be bothered taking down our I.D when buying sim cards. We could now make calls without fear of my father tracing them. We were on the road in next to no time and the hour had kept the roads free of most cars except trucks and we made good time, making it to Washington D.C in less than the GPS stipulated four hours.

It was nice not running away from someone, we had managed to slip under the radar after the train station and it felt so good to shake them off. Our conversation about Bucky’s past had also eased Bucky, he now seemed more trusting and less tense, it definitely felt like the barrier between us had somewhat dissipated and I must admit it felt great to see a side of him that I was guessing he’d kept locked away for a while. It felt like I’d made an impact on him, like I wasn’t the only one feeling the closeness that had developed between us in the last week. The fact that Bucky had not only gone along with my plan but actually praised me on it had showed his trust in me, I felt like we were a team. I mean I already knew that he had definitely changed me for the better but it was easy to forget that when he had kept me at arm’s length and wouldn’t tell me anything. I knew that I couldn’t go back to that. Not again. I was sure that it would be my ruin and it would definitely last longer than one drunken night.

Bucky and I had some time spare so we decided to check into another motel so we could get ready for the heist that we were going to have to pull off later that night.

**THE HEIST**

Bucky was putting on both the utility belts in a trance, like he was doing it all from flesh memory: belt one, guns, knives, ammo, belt two, guns, knives, ammo, shoulder holster…I could see he was caught up in memories and his eyes had that haunted faraway look in them. I knew it had to do with the horrible videos we’d uncovered at the bank vault earlier in the day- they had shown only part of what had been done to him by Hydra. We’d watched one of the three archived disks and two USBs we’d stolen directly from a secret Hydra cache at the bank vault on the TV in the motel, I’d had to force myself to watch every single video even though they made me feel sick to my stomach.

Bucky’s writhing hands and his screams dulled by a mouthguard would probably haunt my nightmares for years to come but that hadn’t been the scariest part. No the scariest thing had been watching Bucky watch the videos without wincing, without blinking, without any emotion whatsoever as if he was not reliving the worst moments of his life. It caused an ache in my chest, then a hollow sort of sadness followed by a full, hot and bubbling anger. To shamelessly use someone for your own ends, deny him everything from the truth to a life of his own was disgusting. No, these people would pay, I didn’t know how I’d do it but it didn’t make me any less determined. What happened to Bucky could not be allowed to happen ever again. When I told Bucky how I felt he just clenched his jaw and turned away, it was almost as if he couldn’t acknowledge my words. He’d put his guard up and my words just seemed to bounce right off him. I wanted to press it further but decided against it. Bucky was damaged even though he tried to hide it. The occasional wise crack or his tough assassin persona couldn’t hide it anymore, I hadn’t understood that as much as I did then. It would take time for Bucky to come to terms with the horrors of his past and if I really wanted to help, the best way was just to be patient and wait it out.

Watching Bucky put on his clothes in a trance made me regret insisting on the videos but I knew they were strictly necessary if this plan of mine was going to work and Bucky had agreed to it himself, taking it upon himself to lead the mission to retrieve the disks. I still couldn’t help feeling as if it was somehow my fault and that I needed to fix it. I got up off the bed and put a hand on his arm- while I couldn’t exactly change the past, I could draw him out of his brooding mood. He looked at me, his eyes slightly glazed over.

“What is it”? He asked as if he only just registered my presence in the room.

I smiled wider than usual, turning it up to a full 100 watt smile-I tried to be as distracting as possible.

Bucky seemed taken aback for a second and his eyes slid into focus.

“I want to help you”. I turned back to the bed, there was still a leather confection that he had yet to put on and a few folded unintelligible black things.

I held it up to him.

“What does this do”?

Bucky smiled and turned it around.

“Nothing upside down”.

I looked at it and saw that it actually looked like a one sleeved padded leather shirt. I stepped forward to help him into it but he held up his hands.

“Just a minute” and then Bucky pulled off his shirt. I felt my cheeks heat up and quickly looked away, hoping he hadn’t seen my silly reaction. He leaned past me to pick up a black shirt which he pulled over his head and I smiled, inwardly relieved that he was fully clothed again.

The shirt had a high neck and was long-sleeved but cut away at the shoulder on one side to reveal his metal arm. The one armed leather shirt made a lot more sense now. Without hesitation, I moved forward.

“Are you ready now”?

He nodded and put his arms up in the air.

“Yes mother”. I pulled a face and stuck my tongue out.

I had to get onto my tip toes and pulled the shirt down over his arms. Bucky tucked it into his belt and I turned back to the bed, unsure of what came next. It was as if Bucky had read my mind.

“You see the canvas thing with two belt loops”? I heard him say.

I picked it up and taking a leap of faith, I asked him to turn and pulled it over his arms, the canvas thing sitting over his shoulder blades backpack style.

“You learn quickly” Bucky winked when he turned to face me.

I raised my brow.

“I’m surprised you can keep up” I replied coyly.

Without hesitation, Bucky pulled me to his chest and my hands slapped reflexively onto his chest. I looked up at him expectantly, my breaths shallow and fast. Bucky looked at me, a twinkle in his eye. I closed my eyes and waited for his lips and when I didn’t feel them, I opened my eyes.

“Well what are you waiting for”? I asked a little bit frustrated.

“For you to ask”. He replied mischievously.

I blushed and looked away.

“Why”? I mumbled to his chest.

I felt his hand reach up and stroke the side of my face, his fingers snuck their way under my chin and tilted my head back up to look at him.

“I want to hear you say it”.

“I I uh” I stuttered and looking up at his hypnotically handsome face, everything just seemed to fall away.

“Please Bucky, can you please kiss me”? I uttered the words and without delay, he cupped my face and kissed me. I melted into his arms and let his lips possess mine, my hands slipping up into his hair. I sensed an urgency in his kisses, the kisses were fast and he wasn’t being too gentle either. He felt like heaven as usual but this wasn’t like him, and I ended the kiss sooner than I wanted to. I pressed my forehead against his, just feeling his chest rise and fall underneath my cheek as I waited for my own shallow breathing to slow.

I had to admit his arms felt good around me, that I’d come to depend on a man I hardly knew and I didn’t know how I’d be able to go on without him. Without his teasing smile, testing and daring me to be my better, stronger self. I knew that these very well could be the last moments we had of peace before everything (including my heart) was shattered into a million little unfixable pieces. It was up to me to help Bucky, I was his only hope of being able to live a normal, full life. I couldn’t let him land back into hands that would torture and manipulate him and turn him into the Frankenstein monster they wanted once more. It was up to me to remember these moments, when I’d seen the thoughtful, generous, sensitive and beautiful man that was the real Bucky. It was up to me to make sure that he didn’t disappear entirely behind Hydra once more.

I steeled myself with a shaky breath and looked into Bucky’s eyes, sliding my hands up to cup his face.

“Bucky, tonight I promise that everything will change. I won’t let them get to you”.

 

 

**AN HOUR LATER**

**THE SMITHSONIAN MUSEAUM**

I rolled over groggily on the cold marble floor and as my eyes adjusted to the light, I realised my arms were tied behind my back. My eyes snapped open, everything coming back to me as I tried to sit up. We’d been ambushed just as we’d stepped into the darkened Smithsonian, the last thing I remembered was a cloth being forced over my face and seeing Bucky fighting off several assailants at once. I felt my stomach sink as I looked at my watch, we’d only been at the museum maybe twenty five minutes and I’d already failed him, misery almost engulfed me as I thought of Bucky back in the hands of people who would surely hand him back to Hydra. I’d called my father at the payphone near the museum just as I’d stipulated and curtly told him to meet us at the Smithsonian. I couldn’t believe that they were already waiting for us at the museum and that I hadn’t been taken to my father by his agents when they’d attacked us. There was definitely something odd going on here but I didn’t have time to think about that.

As I looked around the room, I realised that it looked like one of those rooms where they stored artwork because the walls were lined with racks and shelves. The room was so big that only half of it was lit from high windows and the far end was entirely dark. No, I had to get out of here and get to Bucky or at least find my father so I could talk to him just as we’d planned. I got my hands untied easily, far easier than I had imagined and stood up. I walked forward, the black sneakers Bucky had bought me squeaking on the marble floor. I hesitated a moment, the hairs on the back of my neck raised as I looked at the darkest corner of the room, it felt like I was being watched. Biting my lip, I continued forward into the darkness. I had to find a door out of this room and get to Bucky. I reached out an arm in front of me and it was grabbed and before I knew what was happening, I was pulled against someone’s chest and the lights were switched on. I instinctively closed my eyes, the bright light hurting my eyes.

“About time you woke up C” a familiar voice whispered in my ear.

My blood froze as I broke away and turned around.

Sebastian stood there, in front of the only door out of the room, a lazy smile on his face.

He was wearing black military like clothing, boots, a turtleneck and was armed to the nines. His hand was resting lazily on a gun at his hip.

I stepped back nervously, of everything I’d expected, Sebastian wasn’t even on the list.

“What are you doing here”? I all but squeaked.

“I’m here with my father- we’re here with Hydra, bet you didn’t expect that did you C”?

I remained very confused so I stammered out a garbled “Why”? and “How”?

Sebastian just shook his head at me and in a smooth motion, took off his watch and held it out. It was the watch he’d always worn religiously even before I’d made the mistake of dating him.

“My family’s been in Hydra since before I was born-it’s become a bit of a tradition you see”. “I’ve been training every holiday between school since I was four and luckily, when I was seventeen, I made the cut and ascended.” “I speak four languages and I’m the pride of Hydra you see”. “Heil Hydra” he added with a laugh.

I took it out and turned it over.

There engraved on the back to the heavy Rolex was the symbol for Hydra, the skull with octopus tentacles curled within a circle. My heart dropped into my stomach as I shakily handed the watch back to Sebastian.

         “How did you find us”?

“Oh is it us now Clara, well I suppose you did let him do that to your hair”. He reached out and curled a lock around his finger and I felt my skin crawl.

“Well, we’d been tracking him since Washington and apart from the failed attempt to secure him a few days ago, we actually lost track of him. But thanks to you, we found him”. Sebastian had the audacity to wink at me and I felt my stomach roil.

“That day when you threw my romantic gesture back into my face, I became suspicious when I saw a speck of blood on the ground outside your house and a tiny one on your sleeve. I also knew there was something you were hiding, you’re a terrible liar Clara dear”.

I swallowed.

“That was just a hunch though, there’s no way you could have known he was with me”.

Sebastian nodded clearly enjoying this.

“Yes it was a hunch but it proved to be true when I saw him leave your house and I was able to I.D him myself when I ‘bumped’ into you at the store, you led us right back to him Clara. The poor guy actually believed that he was protecting you from me when I could have crushed him just like I almost did that night he crawled back to you or your bed at least” Sebastian snorted.

“Did he almost die on your doorstep”? “Well that was my doing, I’m terribly good at throwing knives” he boasted.

“You’ve been a terribly naughty girl Clara, getting involved in things you hardly understand”.

I felt sicker by the moment. Sebastian had been the one to hurt Bucky like that, he had been the reason he’d almost died on my doorstep. I looked up at Sebastian, his hand resting lightly on the gun. He was clearly a psychopath and I had underestimated him for too long. He was right, I was the reason Bucky was in their hands again. My stupid self-had not only dated a guy who was a self -centred jerk but also a homicidal maniac. I needed to get out of this room desperately but I knew that before I made any moves, I had to know more. I had to trick him into thinking I was still the insecure girl who cared what he thought.

“I thought your father was in the food business, Sebastian”.

He shrugged his shoulders.

“It was a cover, there are several families involved in Hydra but it can’t seem like that to the CIA or FBI”.

I cleared my throat pretending to be affected.

“And I”? “Was I just a cover also”? I asked in a mock voice husky from emotion.

Sebastian clutched at his heart mockingly.

“Yes at the start. Father thought it might be good if we had an insider to the CIA and so I volunteered to seduce the beautiful daughter of Marcus Smith”.

He sauntered forward and took my hand.

“However, I didn’t realise how much I’d like you” he bent down and kissed my hand. I looked away, it was all I could do not to gag. I couldn’t believe that once upon a time I’d let him touch me voluntarily. I didn’t even think he was handsome anymore, not now when I could see the cruel glint of malice in his eyes. I could now see Sebastian Carter for who he really was. I tugged my hand out of his and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Why am I here Sebastian, what are you really going to do with me”? I asked.

“Well after my father deals with the winter soldier out there, we’re getting on a plane”.

“A plane”?

“Yes and then you’re going to tell your father the wonderful news”. I felt my palms start to sweat. This wasn’t going to be good.

“What wonderful news Sebastian”? I asked warily.

“That we’re getting married”.

I felt my mouth fall open in surprise not for the first time tonight.

“Why”? I choked out trying to keep the shock out of my face.

“Well my father thinks it’s a good idea to keep you around to lure your father into Hydra but I also like having you around”.

Wow Hydra was really messed up if they thought that they were going to turn me into a pawn in their sickening game. They were positively medieval if they thought that I would just go along with it. I looked down as if I was trying to process all Sebastian had told me but I looked at the door. The door was normal wood with one of those twist locks- I needed to twist it open without him noticing and make a break for it. There was no way I could possibly wrestle him away from the door but maybe I could be fast.

I stepped forward and laid a hand on Sebastian’s forearm and put on my best pout.

“What about Gwen, it really hurt me when you ran off with her”? I asked in my most whiny voice.

He reached out and touched my cheek.

“Gwen was my plaything, you are more than her. To me you’re the only Mrs Sebastian Carter”.

I beamed up at him as if he’d just made me the happiest girl in the world.

“Oh you really mean it Sebastian”? I hugged him and simultaneously twisted the lock on the door. If Bucky had taught me anything, it was that flattery really could get you almost anywhere.

“Wow I’m really surprised Clara, you had me thinking you had moved onto the winter soldier. He most certainly thought so too because he all but came quietly when he thought we were going to hurt you. Stupid dog, I would never shoot you”.

So that was why Bucky wasn’t fighting, he’d given himself back to Hydra fully aware that they would probably torture him once more. Bucky was definitely in trouble if he was back in their custody and I needed to hurry up and get out of here.

As I leaned out of the hug Sebastian was looking down at me, his face close to mine as if expecting a kiss. My stomach literally heaved and I had force myself not to move away. Instead I thought of Bucky in pain somewhere, back in the hands of the people who’d almost entirely destroyed his humanity. Instead of shying away from Sebastian, I gritted my teeth and pulled his disgusting lips down to mine. I kissed him for a millisecond before my hand slipped down and I opened the door hard on the back of his head. He cried out and before he could react, I shoved him to the side and ran straight for the door and a little faster than even I’d expected, I felt Sebastian grab my upper arm in a vice like grip and pull me back into the room.

He shut the door behind him and rounded on me, his face flushed angrily.

“What is it with you Clara, why won’t you leave him to his fate, why can’t you accept that you BELONG TO ME”! With those last three words he shook me hard enough to rattle my teeth and even though I knew this had to be done, I was still terrified looking at Sebastian. His face was flushed, lips pulled back from his teeth ferociously and had absolutely the coldest, flattest eyes I’d ever seen.

“What was it that he can give you that I can’t”? He snarled. “Do you like it rough is that it”?! He raised his hand and before I could react, he slapped me so hard across the face that I bit my tongue and my vision went blurry.

“Please don’t” I cried out.

“I hate to hurt you Clara but you did this to yourself. In Hydra obedience is everything and that can only come from pain”. He pulled back his arm and punched me in the lower abdomen, knocking the wind out of me. The pain was so excruciating that I lost track of the world for a moment and I doubled over onto the ground, tears forming in my eyes.

Sebastian finally let go of me and I crumpled to the ground into a ball, trying not to cry.

“I’m going to check on things out there and when I get back, I’d better see a change in you or there’ll be consequences”.

I drew in a painful breath and with the strongest voice I could muster I yelled out.

“I’ll never belong to you, you’re a monster and I could never marry you”!

I saw his face darken and he slammed the door behind him. I waited for a few more seconds before I got to my feet. My stomach was still so painful but I knew Bucky was counting on me. I went and tried the door. It was unlocked just as I thought he would leave it. Sebastian had forgotten how well I knew him, he forgot everything when he was angry and he’d forgotten to lock the door from the outside when he’d left. Even though I could hardly walk without my stomach throbbing or my face stinging, I knew it was worth it. I looked down the corridor and saw light coming from one end, I decided to head in the opposite direction- I had to get to Bucky somehow, hopefully they’d knocked him out and hog tied him up in some room like mine. I edged along the wall as fast as I could while trying to avoid making any noise, staying in the shadows. The first door I tried was exactly like the one I’d just escaped out of but it was locked. I whispered a curse in exasperation and continued along to the next three doors. Unfortunately they were all locked and I had to berate myself for my lack of foresight to steal any keys or anything of the sort from Sebastian. I was wandering around for maybe five minutes before I turned a corner and got lucky…Or so I thought.

Bucky was standing there his back turned away from me, fully armed and I ran up to him ready to tap him on the shoulder. He turned before I had even raised my hand and his metal hand grasped my neck and held me off the ground. Bucky was wearing a dark mask that hid three quarters of his face- one I’d never seen before and he had what looked like dark war paint around his eyes. If you’d even call them eyes, they were flat and cold- entirely devoid of any emotion, they actually terrified me even more than the fact that I couldn’t breathe and was seeing spots around my vision.

“Bucky please, it’s me” I managed to choke out. “Clara”.

He held me there for a second longer and he dropped me like a rock onto the cold unforgiving floor. I struggled to get a breath into my painful throat and tried to sit up.

“Bucky please, we need to get out of here and get to my father”.

Bucky didn’t react, he just reached up and pulled off his mask.

“They warned me about you, you know”.

He looked so much like himself that it broke my heart. The same lips I’d kissed, the same hair, the same beautiful face of the man that I knew I loved. It terrified me how they could take someone so good, so pure and turn him into this monster I hardly knew. They had clearly put him through another bout of electro therapy to turn him into this robot. I felt tears begin to well up and I felt a helplessness so great that I just wanted to curl up into a ball and just cry. Instead I grabbed onto his hands and got onto my knees.

“Please, they’ve done this to you. Hydra, they’re evil and they want to hurt you, they want to use you for their own horrible means”.

He just shook his head and set his jaw stubbornly.

“No they don’t. It’s you that wants to use me”. The way he said it brokered no argument, it was clear that he believed it with every fibre of his being.

Tears started streaming down my face now and I was helpless to stop them.

I hugged his legs and sobbed into them, struggling to comprehend how I could have failed him so terribly. He didn’t stop me, he just watched me with an air of detachment.

“They’ll be here soon and you’ll know the truth” he added with a curt nod.

I stood up desperately and looked into his eyes.

“Please it’s me Clara. I- I- I love you and I would never want to hurt you.”

He wanted to look away but I grasped his face in my palms, forcing him to look at me.

“Remember you fell from a train and they cut off your arm. They forced you to train and experimented on you, tortured you and kept you in hyper sleep in ice when they didn’t need you anymore”. I stammered out all these words desperately hoping something would bring back the Bucky I knew.

He shook his head still.

“Wherever you’re getting your information from, it’s misinformed”.

This time I shook my head.

“No, you told me Bucky. You told me you were friends with Steve Rogers, childhood best friends and after he became Captain America, they sent you to kill him”.

When I said Steve there was a flicker of recognition but it disappeared in a second and his eyes were the same as before: dull and cold.

“No, Steve Rogers is an enemy to the program, he is no friend of mine and should be eliminated”.

I gritted my teeth in frustration. I had to convince him and do it quickly if I was to save him.

“Bucky, it’s true. He’s your friend and so am I. I love you and I know you love me”.

He just shook his head sadly.

“I don’t love you. I don’t know you”.

Those words hit me hard because they sounded so honest and I felt like I’d just lost him. I felt more tears pour down my face and I could feel myself descending into despair but even then I couldn’t give up on him.

“Your name is James Buchanan Barnes” and once more, a tiny light flickered in his eyes but still disappeared.

“Remember earlier tonight in that motel when we kissed, you kissed me like you loved me then and I know you still love me” and before he could stop me, I got onto my toes and kissed him. His lips felt just as sweet as they usually did, as soft as heaven and his stubble tickled my cheeks just as it always did. He tried to pull away but I held on fiercely, the taste of him mingling with the salt of my tears. It was a desperate kiss, a kiss meant to fix him where my words had failed and after a few moments he responded and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss and I felt my heart soar. I slid my fingers into his hair and kissed up his jaw nearly to his ear, taking him in and when I reached his ear, I softly whispered his name.

“Bucky”. I held my breath hoping and praying that I’d had some impact.

Unfortunately the lights came on for the second time that night.

“Well well well, what do we have here” Sebastian drawled as he walked into view. I turned and pushed Bucky behind me desperately and turned to face Sebastian.

He had brought three henchmen with him: dressed in black just as he was and they were tall, were wide enough in the shoulders for two men and wore menacingly blank expressions on their faces. There was another older man - Sebastian’s father and he wore a look of bored contempt. I’d met Andrew Carter once before and I’d mistaken him for a kindly man in his sixties with Sebastian’s eyes who loved golf. Obviously I had never been more mistaken in my life- he looked totally at home in the military garb- his face a cruel mask just like Sebastian’s.

“Finish things Sebastian, the CIA are outside and you have lose ends” he gestured to Bucky and I with a nod and after that turned on his heel and left.

“Of course father” he now took out his gun and aimed it at me.

“What are you going to do, shoot your fiancé?” I spat vehemently. I had lost all sense of self preservation and feared nothing. There was no torture they could put me through that I hadn’t already faced.

“Oh Clara, I’m not going to shoot you, oh no, this little game has gone on for long enough and now I’m going to finish it, did you enjoy seeing him this way Clara”?

I was puzzled for a moment before it clicked.

“You knew I was going to escape and come here and you didn’t stop me”!

He smiled, eyes as sharp as razorblades.

“Yes of course I knew, I wanted you to see what a lost cause he is”.

“You’re a monster Sebastian, I still stand by what I said, and I could never love you”!

He nodded his head in agreement surprisingly.

“Yes you can’t love me, not while he’s still alive and so I see this as an elimination of the competition”.

“You”- I was about to yell out in fury before Sebastian suddenly shifted his gaze to Bucky and spoke in Russian. To my despair Bucky responded robotically and pushed me roughly to the floor. His eyes were flat and just as cold as they’d been when I’d first come into the room.

I struggled to sit up but he pushed me back down and Sebastian smiled.

“So much for love then eh”? He raised his gun and it pointed right at Bucky’s chest.

“It seems he doesn’t care as much as you do Clara because he’s going to let me shoot him dead right in front of you just like the brainless moron he always was, trust me Clara, he’s not worth your time” I looked up at Bucky and he really was standing stock still waiting to be shot. I looked back at Sebastian and I saw his finger pull the trigger and in that moment I made my decision. I moved faster than I probably have ever moved in my life and as soon as I stood up, I simultaneously heard a loud bang and the pain hit my shoulder so hard that it sent me reeling down. I heard a loud shriek of pure agony and it took me a moment to realise that it was coming from myself. I was writhing in pain and it was in a haze of red that I saw Bucky leap forward over me. The three henchmen ran forward and I saw Sebastian edge backwards out of the room: he mouthed words I couldn’t make out and spared me a glance on the floor. It was a look of shock and anger and he then he turned on his heel and ran out of my vision.

I silently curled myself into a ball, only watching Bucky dispatch the three henchmen like some sort of dark knight, moving faster than any of the henchmen- one hand weaving through the air with a knife and the other with a gun, his movements furious and deadly.

Before I could even blink, Bucky was hovering over me, his worried face assessing my injuries. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that his eyes were no longer the dead eyes of the robot he’d been a few moments ago.

“Clara, I had him, why did you do that”? He asked me in an almost angry tone but I knew that he was more scared than anything, his face pale.

I tried to smile but it turned into a grimace as my arm throbbed once more.

“I did it because I love you and I would do it again”. The words just came to my lips, the pain acting as some sort of a truth serum. I was too far gone to lie to him anymore.

Bucky just clenched his jaw and berated me some more.

“Bullets don’t affect me Clara, I could have walked away but you could have died”.

I almost laughed at his exasperated expression.

“There was no way I was going to let Hydra hurt you again, I promised it and I keep my promises”.

He swallowed and continued.

“I’m sorry Clara, for the way I acted before, it”-

“Shhhh” I touched his lips. “It wasn’t you I know”.

“Well”- Bucky was about to continue but he stopped and turned to look behind him.

A moment later I heard the sounds of commotion: several bangs, gunshots and several people yelling for someone to get down on the ground. He turned back to face me.

“I think the CIA’s here”.

I nodded and tried to get up, putting all my weight on my right arm. The arm that had been shot at and I collapsed back onto the ground with tears in my eyes.

“Don’t get up Clara” Bucky warned.

I shook my head, dizziness now making everything go fuzzy.

“No, no I have to tell my father that he’s got everything wrong”.

Bucky’s face was half blurred but I saw him shake his head.

“No Clara, I’ll fix everything myself, don’t move”.

His image started to go dark but I clutched onto his hand desperately.

“No it was my plan, I”…. my words broke off as everything went black and I fell into nothingness.

**A FEW HOURS LATER**

I woke up in a white hospital bed with a massive window looking out onto Washington D.C and instantly regretted waking up at all. The pain was terrible, I ached all over like I’d been run over by a three tonne car and I couldn’t move my arm which was in encased in a rock hard cast. I reached over to itch at the cast when I heard a familiar voice.

“I wouldn’t do that Clara”. I turned my head and there sat my dad, in a grey suit with a copy of Washington Daily in his hands.

“Dad” I croaked out, my voice scratchy from lack of use.

“Yes it’s nice to see you again too Clara” he replied with a twinkle in his eye.

Using one arm, I managed to clumsily sit up.

“Where’s Bucky”? I asked a knot forming in my stomach.

“Bucky- oh you mean the winter soldier, he left an hour ago to go fix some things but he said he’d be back”.

I raised my eyebrows surprised.

“You let him go”?

“Don’t look so surprised darling, I couldn’t very well deny the man a few liberties after a very taxing night”.

“Bucky told you everything and you believed him”? I asked.

“Well not immediately but the disks from the bank vault as well as the section of the Smithsonian dedicated to himself was very convincing, not to mention all the men we arrested from Hydra”.

I frowned half happy and a little annoyed.

“How come you didn’t believe me when I called you yesterday or the time before that”? I grumbled.

My father smiled.

“It’s because I was fool enough to think my daughter hadn’t been keeping track of my movements using stolen CIA records”.

I blushed.

“I’m sorry Dad but I couldn’t help it with you gone all the time. It was the only way I could…make sure you were safe”.

My dad’s smile faded.

“It’s because you’re like your mother, she also was curious about anything and everything. It was what drew me to her”. He looked away wistfully.

“My curiosity only managed to get me a gunshot wound and a hospital bed” I joked.

My father looked back at me.

“No Clara, you were brave enough to help someone even when the whole world was against you and as much hell as you’ve caused in the past few days”… “I’m proud of you” he added a little gruffly.

I felt something in my chest flutter in appreciation. My father was a man of few words and those words meant a lot coming from him. It really was a long way from just a week before when we’d acted like the other didn’t exist.

“Thanks Dad” I raised my eyebrows. “It’s the least you could do after calling me a dangerous fugitive on national television”.

My father grimaced.

“I’m sorry Clara that really wasn’t my idea. We were desperate for leads after you left New York”.

“I would love to stay here but as you know Clara, I have some calls to make to my superiors. Shoot outs with Hydra do tend to leave a mess”.

My father got up to leave but I stopped him.

“Did you catch him”? I asked.

“Yes Andrew Carter is dead, he was shot after refusing to surrender”.

I shook my head as my stomach tensed in fear.

“Sebastian, did you catch him”?

My father’s expression darkened.

“No, a sweep of the building turned up empty.”

My face must have shown my fear because my father reached out and touched my cheek.

“I’m sorry that I encouraged your relationship with Sebastian, if I’d known his family were lunatics”-

I held up my still functioning hand.

“You didn’t know, no one could have possibly known what kind of a monster he really was”.

My father nodded and turned to leave. He paused with his hand on the doorknob.

“We’ll catch him Clara, he won’t hurt you again”.

I nodded and my father left. I looked got up out of bed and went to the window. It was a wonderful day out there, clear blue skies and plenty of sun, as if only hours before it had been pitch dark out. It was scary to think of how wonderful everything had turned out despite my plan going to pot almost as soon as we’d reached the Smithsonian. I had come so close to losing Bucky forever and it felt so wonderful to know that he’d never suffer again at the hands of Hydra. I turned to face the empty hospital room for a moment before looking back outside. I felt myself flush as I remembered telling Bucky that I loved him. He must have thought I had completely lost my mind, I mean we hardly knew each other and I’d already probably scared him off with the big, fat massive L word.

I felt pain in my chest. What if I never saw him again? What if he’d left the hospital with no intent to return, I mean who would blame him? He had so much of his life to figure out. He didn’t have time to pay attention to a silly teenage flirtation.

These thoughts were swirling around in my mind when I heard his voice.

“You know you shouldn’t be out of bed”. I jumped and turned my heart racing.

There he stood as perfect as always, all six foot black clad gorgeousness. He had the most peaceful, relaxed expression on his face and I’d never seen him so happy. I knew in that instance that if I was to go back, I’d go through all of the horrors of the night before just to see him that happy.

He alas also made me wish I had a mirror.

What? I’m only human.

I smoothed my hair down self -consciously and walked up to him.

“How do you do that”? “I swear you weren’t here a moment ago”. I asked teasingly.

He just smiled that heart breaking smile of his.

“You know I’ve been thinking about this girl I know”.

“Oooh anyone I know”? I asked playfully.

“She stood up for me when no one believed me, helped me though she didn’t have to, she even, if you could believe it, took a bullet for me”.

I felt butterflies in my stomach as I asked him to continue.

“She’s a special girl and I liked her, it wasn’t till last night that I realized how foolish she was”.

I frowned and stuck my tongue out.

“You can stop now” I added.

He shook his head as he walked closer.

“It wasn’t till last night that I realized that I loved her and seeing her hurt would most certainly destroy me”. He finished, his face hovering just inches above mine.

I felt my heart rate speed up and my palms started to sweat.

“I owe her my life and I at least owe her a thank you don’t you think”? He whispered, lips hypnotically just inches from mine.

“Uh huh Bucky” I nodded and as Bucky’s lips descended down onto mine, I knew I was in heaven.

“Call me James” he added just before his our lips touched.

I’d never been in so much pain but I knew that I’d never feel so lucky.


End file.
